Journey's End?

To the outside world, Courtney Matthews may seem at last to be getting past her troubled marriage to true love Jason Morgan. But her portrayer, Alicia Leigh Willis, explains, that looks can be decieving. "In reality, her heart is still broken over the whole thing," she says. "It's hard to move on to the next phase of your life when you're still holding onto the past."

What A Girl Wants

Given her tumultuous history with Jason, before that, his brother AJ, it's hard to imagine why Courtney has fought so hard against white knight Jax and his attempt to sweep her right off her feet. But Willis believes that Courtney is still struggling to find her way in the world. "She's really trying to figure out what she wants as far as a relationship, and what she wants out of life," the actress explains. "In a way she has found herself, but in another way, she hasn't, she only thinks she has. If can be really confusing. But she's still young. She can wear as many business suites as she wants and play the part, but she's still a young girl. She doesn't have it as together as she thinks she does."

Yet, she's been forced to deal with every adult emotion especially while watching from the sidelines as Jason has gotten closer to Sam. "Above all, Courtney wants Jason to be happy, even if he's not with her," says Willis. "As hard as it is to admit, Sam can at least give Jason what he wants - she's giving him the child that Courtney can't. Courtney loves him so much that she'll let him go if it makes him happy. She's trying to stay out of his life and move on, but there's still a part of her that can't do that."

BEHIND THE SMILE

Would be suitor Jax seems to be bringing out the lighter, brighter side of Courtney, who now even finds herself smiling on occasion! "I think she's almost trying to forget how serious things are," admits the actress. Her life has been so heavy for so long, she just wants to let herself go. She wants and needs to block it out. Jax has helped her do that. Finally with Jax she can breathe and have fun and not worry."

Of course Jason is still in the picture, as is the darker universe in which he exists. "She loves Jason so much, but that world he lives, what he does for a living, she's so against it! When she sees him, she's reminded of that whole world, that's dark and scary to her."

Sooner or later however, Courtney will have to decide whether she can move beyond her past with Jason and consider a real future with Jax. But is she capable of making such a choice? "When it comes to love and the heart, she's cautious," concedes Willis. I don't think she's completely, 100 percent over Jason. I don't think she ever will be. That was her true love. They didn't split up b/c they didn't love each other, which makes it harder." But Willis says that hope springs eternal, especially where a certain Australian hunk is concerned. "She's got feelings for Jax, and she's having so much fun with him, that's hard to ignore.

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On Jason's Appeal "Jason was the love of her life, and she still cares about him a lot." Willis says of Courtney's true love. " To have him lighten up a bit would be nice, but that's part of the appeal too-he's a dark mysterious guy."

On The Other Man "She's very free and more playful with Jax." Willis says of the competition. It's like they're a couple of kids just having fun. Jason could use a little bit of that playfullness!"

 Soap Opera Previews December 6, 2004