Wrapped tightly in a blanket, Courtney sat on the balcony looking out over the city. She didn’t know what she was going to do about her problem.  She knew Marco was right.  Jason needed to know and it wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell him.  But ever since they had met it was one problem after another – all her’s.  First, finding Zander and then her family, then Zander’s accident and the fires; the babies; the fighting; Elizabeth; the money; and now more family problems.  It was starting to feel like a Greek tragedy.  She had never really known anything else though.  All her life had been chaos once she sat and thought about it.  And all she had done was draw Jason into that chaos.  It wasn’t fair to him.  She sighed and picked up the phone up out of her lap.

----------------------------------------------

“Morgan.”

“I see.  Thank you.”

Jason disconnected the call and hit the intercom. “Take us to the docks, Jesse.”

He turned to his passenger.  “Ms. St. Clair, I am going to give you one chance to tell me what you want with my wife and if I don’t like what you have to say then you will not enjoy the ending of our meeting.”

She glanced over at Zander. “So that ‘accident’ at Kelly’s was no accident.” She said.

“You need to answer him, Ms. St. Clair.  He is not a patient man where his wife is concerned.” Zander said with as much bravado as he could muster.

The fear rose in her eyes when she saw Jason pull out his gun.  “I won’t ask you again, Ms. St. Clair.”

“She’s my niece.” She told them with a break in her voice.

-------------------------------------------------------

Jason swung open the kitchen door to find his bride unpacking a crate of new dishes. 

“Hey, what’s going been going on here?” He asked.

Courtney turned to smile at him.  “Hey, you.” She looked at her watch.  “You’re late.”

He walked over to give her a sweet kiss on her cheek. “Sorry. So, what’s this?”

“Oh, Sonny was over earlier and we had a little disagreement.” She told him grinning wickedly.

“Funny.  Don’t let him hear you joking about that.” Jason warned good-naturedly.

“Actually, I was a little clumsy earlier and dropped a whole stack of the dishes.  There were only three left so I called Roth’s and ordered some to be sent over.”

“What for? We only need three – you, me, and Zander.” Jason teased.

“You’re in a great mood.  Your meeting must have gone well.”

“Not really.” He confessed wrapping his arms around her. “But I am happy to be home with you again.

“Aww, that’s sweet, honey.” She said as she laid her head on his chest  “Speaking of Zander … have you heard from him?”

---------------------------------------------------------

Zander sat across from his mother.  He had so many questions but he didn’t know where to start.  He still hadn’t gotten up the nerve to ask if she really was his mother or even to tell her who he was.  He couldn’t make his mouth form the words.  So he went on letting her believe his name was Phillip Morris and that he merely worked for Jason.

“Tell me about her?” Alexandra asked him.

“Who?”

“Courtney. What does she look like?  I want to know everything.”

“What about her brother? Your nephew.  Aren’t you interested in him?” Zander asked.

“Do you know him too?” She was so excited.  Finally some answers.

“Actually, I know him a lot better than I know her.  He’s a loser.  Sometimes I find it hard to believe they are related.” Zander said angrily.

Alexandra looked at him with disappointment. “Why would you say that?”

Zander got up and paced around the room.  “He’s a recovering drug addict who has put his sister through hell.”

“You’re very fond of her … Courtney, I mean.” Alexandra stated.

“She’s the only good thing in my life … except Emily.” Zander said without thinking.

“Is Emily your girlfriend?” Alexandra asked politely.

“Um … yeah.” He said. “But you want to talk about Courtney, right?”

He sat back down across from her and gave her a suspicious look.  “I’m not really comfortable talking about my boss’s wife with a woman who’s affiliated with another family.  Maybe you should tell me why I should trust you.”

“Mr. Morgan seemed to believe I was telling the truth.”

“Just because Jason seemed to accept what you said at face value does not mean he believes you.  He’ll check out your story very carefully.  He’s very protective of his family.”

“I find it interesting that you keep referring to them as Jason and Courtney.”

“Why? Those are their names.”

“Look, I may not know much but I know about family protocol.  Frank insisted on it.  If you were an employee you would be calling them Mr. and Mrs. Morgan.  Who are you really?”

-----------------------------------------------------

“Nope, haven’t talked to him for a while.” Jason replied carefully.  ‘That’s not really a lie.’

“Okay, well, I’ll just start dinner and we’ll see what happens.  Maybe we can have a romantic dinner for two.”

“Sounds good to me.” Jason replied leaning down to kiss her neck. “On second thought, maybe we should wait for Zander … upstairs.”

Courtney giggled as his lips brushed against her skin. “What did you have in mind to keep us occupied until he gets home?”

Jason grinned at her. “You up for a game of cards?”

“Cards? You mean, poker?” She laughed.  “Honey, I have lived in Atlantic City.  You are going to lose your shirt if you play poker with me.”

“Well, one if us will.” He promised.

She giggled again when she figured out his plan and grabbing his hand led him upstairs. “Strip poker. Seven card stud, high/low split, nothing is wild. Initial ante will be shirts.  Table stakes only.  Try to keep up, babe.  I tend to play fast.”

----------------------------------------------------

“Don’t you know?  Shouldn’t you, MOM?” Zander shouted from his spot near the door.

‘Mom? This is Alexander.  This is my baby.’ She thought as she stared at him.

Tears in her eyes, she got up to walk to him.  She stopped when he put his hand on the doorknob.  He was ready to bolt from the room and she had to convince him to stay.

“Alexander, please don’t go.” She pleaded. “I’ve waited so long for this moment.”

“You have?  I haven’t.” He practically spit the words at her.  “I didn’t even know you existed until a few years ago.”

“I’m so sorry, baby.  You have no idea how sorry I am.  I thought it was the best thing for you … for everyone.  Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you.  I have always loved you.”

“Then why?  Why did you leave me? How could you let that man anywhere near me or my sister?” Zander asked desperate to know

Alexandra looked at him in shock.  “Did he hurt you?  Or Courtney?  Corrine swore she could protect you.  Alexander, I was only 15 years old.  I didn’t know what to do.”

“Did he hurt us?  He hurt us everyday.  Not physically, if that’s what you are worried about.  He was mean to us … arrogant and condescending.  We were trophies to show off.  Not so much me, since I was ‘adopted’ but Courtney was his greatest treasure.  He showed her off like anything wonderful she accomplished was his.  He hurt her more than anyone.  She’s lost inside herself and not even Jason loving her has healed what our father did to her.  She can’t trust anyone completely – not him … not even me.” Zander was out of breath from his rambling speech.

“Alexander …” She began.

“Stop calling me that.” He yelled.

“What do you want me to call you?  Alex?” She whispered.

“Zander. Courtney couldn’t say Alexander when we were little.  It always came out Zander.” He smiled slightly at the memory.  Then he realized where he was and who he was with.  He glared at his biological mother.  “I don’t want you coming anywhere near my sister, do you understand me.  She’s been through too much.  Stop asking about her around town and don’t try to see her.  You’ll only upset her and she can’t handle it in her condition.”

Alexandra gasped.  “Is she sick?”

Zander grabbed the door and yanked it open.  “No, she’s pregnant.”

“She’s going to have a baby?”

“Not that it’s any of your business but she’s having twins.” Zander said as he walked out the door.

Alexandra smiled at the knowledge.  “Twins … just like the two of you.”

Chapter 56 – Breaking Point

Jason sat on the bed in his boxers.  They had both started out shirtless but only Courtney had kept the rest of her clothes.

“I am married to a card shark.” Jason said ruefully.

“Actually, honey, the term is card sharp.” Courtney corrected as she shuffled the deck.  “If this were pool then shark would be correct.”

“If this were pool, you’d be naked not me.” Jason grumped.

“You’re not naked, hon.” She smiled at him. “Not yet, anyway.  But you will be when I win this next hand.”

He grabbed the deck of cards out of her hand and threw them. “Nope, game over.”

She laughed at him as she watched the cards flutter to the floor.  “You, Jason Morgan, are a sore loser.  You need to work on that.”

“And, you, Courtney Morgan, suckered me into this game to get me naked.”

“If I recall correctly, strip poker was your idea.  I warned you that I was good.”

He snaked his hand back out and gently grabbed her by the wrist pulling her to him.  “You are better than good.” With his other hand he reached around her waist.

“Oh?” She challenged.

“You are the best poker player I have ever seen.  I know your face better than anyone and you bluff like a pro.”

They both heard the low rumble of the thunder as it rolled over the building and into the city.

“Storm’s coming.” She told him as he leaned in closer to kiss her.

------------------------------------------------

“What did you say?” Zander asked turning back.

“Twins.  Like you and Courtney.” Alexandra replied.

“Courtney and I aren’t twins.” Zander insisted.

“Of course you are.” Alexandra said giving him a strange look.

“No, we can’t be.  Mom told me …” Zander insisted.

“Zander, I gave birth to both of you on August 9th, 1979 and I can prove it.” Alexandra said as she went over to the desk and pulled out some papers.  When she turned around the door to the hall was open and Zander was gone.

-------------------------------------------------

Courtney broke the kiss.  “You know, I’ve been thinking.”

“You think too much.” Jason said as he leaned back in to kiss her again.

Courtney planted her hand on his chest and pushed him back slightly. “Jason, I’m serious.”

Jason heaved a sigh. “I don’t want to be serious, Court.  I just want to enjoy being with my wife.”

“Slow down, honey.  We have all night.” She told him softly.

“No, the way my day is going that damn phone is going to ring and ruin everything.” He said fiercely.

She gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. “Jason, tell me what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing.” He said but he scooted back away from her slightly.  It was almost as if he was trying to put off her probing with physical distance.

“You say nothing but I know that’s not true.  I can see it in your eyes.” Courtney said with a sigh.

He put a smile on his face and reached for her again. “Sweetie, really, nothing’s bothering me.”

Courtney grabbed his hands and held them in her own.  “I have an idea. Why don’t you lay down and I’ll rub your back?”

Jason gave her a genuine smile. “That sounds nice.”

-------------------------------------------------

Zander wandered around the streets of Port Charles in the rain.  ‘She’s lying. We can’t be twins.  God, how am I going to tell Courtney?’

He ducked under an awning and got out his cell phone.  He was starting to dial when he saw the glowing neon sign in the window next to him. JAKE’S.  He put the phone back in his pocket and ran his hands through his wet hair shaking the water off.  He walked over to the door and reached out to pull it open.  He stopped and pulled his hand back.

He took a deep breath and blew it back out. ‘I’m just getting in out of the rain.’

--------------------------------------------------

‘What exactly did Corinne tell them?’  Alexandra wondered.

She looked down at the birth certificates.  Just as Jason had threatened the meeting ended unpleasantly.  Her son was angry and upset and warning her away from her own daughter.  She didn’t want to upset Courtney, certainly not when she was pregnant, but too many years had passed living a lie.  She had to find a way to convince Zander and Jason to let her see her daughter.  As a mother talking to another mother maybe she could make Courtney understand.  She had to find a way to make them all understand why she had done what she had done.

----------------------------------------------------

Zander played with the glass knowing he was tempting fate.  He knew it when he walked into the bar and he knew it when he ordered the drink.  But an hour later he sat on the bar stool still just staring at the glass.  It was as if he was daring the drink to make the first move.  He lifted the glass and watched the light refract through the amber liquid.  Almost before he knew it he had the glass to his lips and he was swallowing.  He slammed the empty glass upside down on the bar. He was motioning to the bartender when his phone rang.  Reaching into his pocket and pulling it out he glanced at the display.  Emily.  He answered the phone hesitantly but the second he heard her voice relief flooded through him.

“Hey, I am so glad you called.”

“Well, I made a mistake but everything is going to be okay now.  I had a drink but I’m not going to do it again.  I won’t risk losing you.  You mean everything to me.”

“What? Em … I didn’t want to do this on the phone but … I love you too.”

-----------------------------------------------------

“Oh, God, this feels so good.”  He moaned his face half buried in the mattress. “I feel so guilty.”

Courtney looked down at her husband’s bare back as she kneaded his muscles. “Why?”

“I’m supposed to be taking care of you and the babies.  Yet here I am … OHHHHHHH.” He groaned as she hit another sore spot.

“Honey, you have got to learn how to relax.  Your muscles are so tight.” She admonished.

She leaned forward from her spot straddling his lower back and kissed the back of his neck.

“Maybe a hot shower would help.” Courtney suggested.

Jason pushed up from the bed causing Courtney to rise up just enough so that he could roll over onto his back.  Grasping her hips he pulled her back down to him grinning.

“I think a hot shower is a great idea.  I’ll go get the water turned on and you grab some towels.”

Courtney smiled at him ruefully. “No, just you, Jase.”

“Why? There’s more than enough room for two in there.” He reminded her.

“Yes, I know.  You’ve been more than happy to point that out to me before but I thought I would go downstairs and get some dinner ready.”

She started to get up but Jason grabbed her hand and pulled her down to the bed next to him.

“Jason, stop, please.” Courtney begged.

He brushed the hair out of her eyes to see that she was close to tears.

“Honey, what’s wrong?  Are you okay?” Jason asked concern and confusion on his face.

“No, I’m not okay.  I worry that we’ll never be able to be happy when we both hide so much from each other.”

“Court? Where is this coming from?” Jason asked.  “We aren’t happy?  I am.  You’re not?”

Courtney sat up and heaved a sigh. “It’s not that I’m unhappy.  I just think we need to stop pretending that we can prevent bad things from happening.”

He sat up and put his arms around her pulling her against him. She leaned her head against his and sighed again.

“We’re both trying so hard to protect each other and all we’re doing is building distance between us.  We need to trust that our love is strong enough to carry us through.  We need to trust that the other person is strong enough.”

“I know.” Jason admitted. “I just worry about you and the babies.

“Jason, the truth is … it’s selfish.  We feel safe because we are in control.”

“Courtney, that is not true.  I do not need to be in control.” Jason said angrily pulling away from her.

“No, then why are you so upset?” She asked.

Jason got off the bed and looked down at her. “I’m angry because you accused me of trying to control you.”

Courtney gave him a gentle smile. “Honey, I didn’t say that and that’s not what I meant.  She reached her hand out to him.  “Please come back and sit with me.  I don’t want to fight with you.”

He just looked at her and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

‘God, he’s so defensive. I can’t tell him now.’ Courtney thought.  She knew she was being a coward and using this an excuse to avoid telling him.  ‘I can put Marco off one more day.’

She got up and placed her hand on his arm. “Take a shower, sweetie, and try to relax.  I’m going to go fix you something to eat.”

She walked over to the door and stopped wanting to get through to him before she left.

“Jason, I love you more than I could ever tell you … always know that.”

------------------------------------------------

He hurried back to the penthouse.  It was so strange.  Everything Zander thought he knew about his life had changed once again and yet he felt freer than ever before.  Emily loved him and that was all that mattered.  He now understood how Courtney felt.  It as almost as if the past made no difference at all and all that was important was the future.  Maybe they could both be happy now.  Maybe all that was happening could bring them closer and they could finally put the bad memories behind them.  He hoped and it was all he wanted yet he felt a little prickle of fear deep inside him that Courtney would not accept this news.  She would push it far from her and her babies.  He knew if that happened he would have to choose between the two women – his mother and his sister.

Chapter 57 Too Much Too Soon?

Courtney heard the water go off in the shower upstairs.  She had been wandering around the kitchen trying to come up with something for dinner.  Fresh out of inspiration and feeling too hungry to think about it anymore she pulled out the menu for Victor’s and grabbed the phone.

“Good thing we’re rich.” Zander remarked.

“Yeah, maybe we should hire a cook.” Courtney joked.

She placed her call, ordering enough food for ten people, and then turned back to her brother.

“Where have you been?” She asked.

“Jake’s.” Zander told her.

“WHAT?” Courtney yelled.

Zander laughed at her reaction. “It’s fine really.  I had a drink but it’s not going to happen again.”

She grabbed him by the arm forcing him to sit. “Tell me what happened. Did you have a fight with Emily?”

Zander gave her a smile. “No, everything is fine with Emily.  Better than ever actually.”

“Great.  It’s nice that you have someone who appreciates you.  I think you are too hard on yourself sometimes.”

Zander gave her a guilty look.  “Wait until I tell you what’s been going on before you start singing my praises, Corey.”

“Did you having a drink have anything to do with me?”  She asked afraid that she was the cause of her brother’s lapse.

“Yes and no.  Is Jason home?  He needs to be here for this.” Zander asked.

“Uh huh. He’s upstairs.” Courtney replied feeling her stomach tie itself into painful knots as she watched her brother walk up the stairs.

‘Marco told him.  How could he do that to me?  He didn’t even give me a chance to tell them myself.’  Courtney ran into the living room and grabbed her jacket.

She slipped the door to the hall open and prayed that Max was out of sight in the alcove to the other penthouse.  Seeing no one she quietly closed the door and crept to the elevator.  She knew it would sound the bell when it got to the floor but she could only hope that Max would wait for whomever he thought was getting off and she would be in with the doors closed before he realized what had happened.  The doors opened and she quickly got in the compartment pushing the button for the lobby.  As she watched the doors close she heard Max walk towards her but the doors sealed before he saw who it was that was leaving.

She just needed some time alone.  Alone was all she’d been for more than two years and now it seemed she was never alone.  There was always someone hovering around, paying too much attention and asking too many damn questions.  How do you feel? Are you all right? Can I get you anything? Like she was a damn invalid or a child.  Courtney felt she was just someone to be watched and monitored.  Never a true partner but rather an obligation.  Even Zander had taken on that attitude.  When he found out he didn’t ask her straight out.  No, he decided her husband needed to be there.

The elevator let her off in the lobby and she pushed out the doors to the street.  She felt the sting of the icy drops digging into her skin but she was grateful for it.  It was a sensation she was allowed to feel not something one of the men in her life sheltered her from or dealt with for her.  She walked down the street not sure where she was going but needing to be wherever that place was.  That place where she and only she existed.  She had handed her life so completely over to Jason.  She was such a good little girl all the time.  Just like she’d been taught.  Even though Jason had acted as if he accepted her as strong when they first met he had slowly pushed away that part of her until she was what he wanted – compliant, docile and fragile – a living doll for him to play with.  Sure, he allowed her to feel as if she was an equal but it was all an illusion. 

----------------------------------------------------

“Max said he heard the elevator bell but he didn’t see anyone get on or off.” Jason relayed to Zander.  “She’s not answering her cell phone either.”

“So she’s run off.” Zander yelled in frustration.

“Calm down, Zander.  Look, I’m not thrilled about her being out in the storm either but she’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself.”

“So, now what?” Zander asked.

“So, now we go and look for her.” Jason said as he grabbed his jacket.  Pulling his cell phone out he made a call.  “Courtney ran out again, Marco.  I need your help.”

----------------------------------------------------

Courtney was so far into her world of thoughts and memories that she didn’t even realize she had walked all the way to Kelly’s.  She looked through the glass of the door into the bright interior and seeing a familiar face opened the door and walked into the restaurant.

She walked over to a table.  “Is this seat taken?” Courtney asked.

The woman looked up startled to see the soaking wet young woman who had made the request.  It was unmistakable who the blond was.

“Courtney?” The woman gasped.

“Hello.”  Courtney said. 

----------------------------------------------------

Marco met Jason and Zander in the parking garage of the building.  The storm was abating but the three men wanted to find Courtney soon.

“I’ll take the pier and the waterfront area. Marco, you head towards the park.  Zander, check the hospital.  Make sure you check in every 30 minutes and keep trying her cell in case she turns it on.”

“The hospital??  Jason??” Zander stuttered with panic rising in his voice.

“It’s just a precaution.  I’m sure she’s fine.” Jason reassured him. “I need you to keep your head, Zander.  For Courtney.”

“Jason, I’m sorry.” Marco offered.  “If I had known she was this bad I never would have left the front door.  I just thought that since you were home …”

“Wait? What happened?” Jason demanded.

“Her flashbacks.” Marco saw the confusion in Jason’s eyes.  “Dammit, she didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Jason was practically yelling.

“This afternoon she broke some dishes.  When I heard the crash I came running.” Marco began.  He could see the concern and distress in Jason’s eyes.  He hated breaking his word to Courtney but he continued because he knew that Jason needed to know.  “Man, she was sitting on the floor completely out of it.  She didn’t hear me, she didn’t respond when I called her name or shook her.  It scared me.  I tried calling you but got voicemail.  I was getting ready to call 911 when she snapped out of it.”

Jason rubbed his head.  “Why the hell didn’t you tell me, Marco?”

“She begged me not to.  I told her if she didn’t tell you tonight I would.  She agreed so I let it go.” Marco answered guilt written all over his face. “I probably should have called you again until I reached you but I thought it was better that she tell you.  And, Jason, man, she needs to trust me.  I can’t protect her if she feels like she can’t rely on me.”

“I know.  I think she tried to tell me.  And I didn’t want to listen.” Jason said.  He slammed his fist into the hood of the limo. “All these secrets.”

“Jason, there’s more.” Zander said.

----------------------------------------------------

“Does your husband know you’re here?” Alexandra asked.

Courtney stamped down the rage that was rising.  It wasn’t good for the babies.

“My husband does not tell me what to do.  I am an adult.  I make my own decisions.” Courtney said evenly.

Alexandra smiled slightly at the young woman in front of her.  She had assumed that Courtney’s life was like her own because on the surface they seemed similar.  She should have known better.  That fact that Jason Morgan married her instead of keeping her as a mistress was the first clue.  He respected and honored Courtney.  She was not a toy to him.  Nor would she allow herself to be treated that way. 

“May I ask what is so amusing?”

“Not amusing … just ironic.” Alexandra said sadly.  She picked up her coffee and took a sip to buy herself some time.

Penny brought Courtney a cup of tea and smiled.  “How are you doing, Mrs. Morgan?”

Courtney reminded herself that her anger belonged to someone else and replied sweetly “I’m just fine, Penny.  Thank you for asking.”

“Let me know if I can get you anything else.” Penny stated before walking away.

“Everyone seems to know you in Port Charles.” Alexandra noted. 

“We come here a lot. Kelly’s is a favorite of ours.”

“All that money and you eat at a diner.” Alexandra noted. “We are very different women.”

“We aren’t really into fancy restaurants.  And you’re damn right we’re different.  I would never abandon my babies like you did.” Courtney said angrily.

“Zander told you.” Alexandra sighed.

“Zander knows?  You’ve seen him?” Courtney asked in a panic.  “What did you tell my brother?”

Alexandra looked at her in confusion.  “I saw Zander earlier.”

“Oh my God, that’s why he was so upset.  You are why he drank.” Courtney got up so abruptly she knocked the cups over spilling the liquid everywhere.  “Stay away from my brother.  You stay away from him and me or so help me …”

“Courtney?” Jason asked from behind her.  She spun around to face him.  He reached his hands out to her.

“Jason, this woman here …” Courtney gestured wildly to the table behind her. “… Is my mother.  Mine and Zander’s.  We’re twins.”

“I know, honey. Zander told me. He’s worried sick about you.” Jason said running his hands down her damp hair.  “He was going to tell you about her when you ran off.”

He pulled her into his strong arms and held her tightly.  “You’re soaked.  Marco is outside with the car.  He’ll take you home.”  He released her and propelled her toward the doors and the limo waiting outside.

“No, Jason.  You don’t understand.  This woman … she is why my father …” She broke off unable to say the words.

“Courtney, please, let Marco take you home.” Jason pleaded softly.  “Zander will meet you there.  We can all talk about it after you get warmed up.  I’ll follow in a minute after I talk with Ms. St. Claire.”

“JASON, dammit, listen to me.  My father thought I was her.  He was drunk and he thought I was Alexandra.  That’s why he tried to rape me.” She screamed at him.

Jason and Alexandra stared at her in horror.

Chapter 58 – Can’t Get There From Here

“He did what?”  Alexandra shouted.

Jason ignored her keeping his eyes on Courtney.  He saw a wild fear behind her eyes that scared him.

He reached out for her again when he saw her eyes roll back in her head and grabbed her just before she collapsed.  He gently lowered her to the floor cradling her in his arms.

“Go … get Marco.  He’s out in the limo.” Jason ordered Alexandra. “MOVE.”

Jason turned his attention back to his unconscious wife feeling for her pulse.  Relieved to find her heartbeat strong he gently shook her. “Court, baby, wake up.”

“Mr. Morgan, should I call for an ambulance?” Penny asked hesitantly.

“No, she just passed out.  She’ll be fine.” Jason told the young waitress.

Marco came busting in the doors.  “Jason?” Panic creased his face when he saw Courtney on the ground.  Alexandra stood behind him with a strange expression on her face.

“She just passed out Marco.  I want to get her home.” Jason said as Marco helped him pick Courtney up. Jason carried her protectively to the waiting car.

Marco grabbed Alexandra by the arm and hustled her out after Jason.

----------------------------------------------------

Jason carried Courtney up to the bedroom.  Alexandra started to follow them but Zander grabbed her by the arm and steered her towards the couch.  She yanked her arm out of his grasp.

“I am getting very tired of people grabbing me.”  She said angrily.

“Yeah, well, I am sick of seeing my sister torn into little pieces.  I told you to stay away from her. “Zander said punctuating his words by jabbing his finger in the air towards her face.

“I was staying away from her.  She came up to me.  She already knew who I was.” Alexandra said as she sank to the couch.

“That’s not possible. She ran out of here before I could tell her.”

“Zander, she looks just like me.  Maybe she figured it out.” Alexandra said with more that a little annoyance in her voice.  “Why do you two treat her like she’s this treasure to protect?”

“Jealous, Ms. St. Claire?” Jason asked as he made his way over to the pair.

“No, Mr. Morgan. I’m not jealous of my own child. I’m angry that I have been treated like a criminal … someone who would do her harm.”

“That’s too bad because as I see it you did hurt her.  She was hysterical when I got there.” Jason said crossing his arms over his chest.

“She said Russell tried to rape her?  Is that true?” Alexandra asked looking back and forth between the men.

“No, she made it up.” Zander said sarcastically as he got up and stomped over to the door.  He opened it and then slammed it behind him.  Jason watched him sadly knowing how it tore at him that Courtney was so tortured by her memories. 

“You know what he told me?  He says he knows Courtney blames herself for what her father tried to do to her.  He says she really believes deep down that it’s her fault no matter what she tells us.  And just as surely, I know he thinks it’s his fault.  They blame themselves because the responsible person is no longer here to blame.” Jason looked at the woman who looked so like his wife yet was nothing like her on the inside.  “Why did you come here?”

Alexandra stood up and faced him defiantly.  “I came to see my children, Mr. Morgan.  I have a right to see them.”

Jason walked to the door and opened it for her. “You gave up that right 23 years ago when you abandoned them. I want you out of my home and away from my wife and my brother.”

She sat back down on the couch and stared at him with stone-cold gaze. “No, I want to talk to my daughter and I’m not leaving until I do.”

“What do you really want with my family?”

“I just told you.” She said glaring at him.

“I don’t believe you.  Not for one second.  Why are you here now … after all this time?”

“Money.” Zander said from his position near the kitchen door. He had come back in the back door into the kitchen.  “You want money, don’t you?”

Jason looked at Zander for a second, shut the door and then walked upstairs to check on Courtney.

----------------------------------------------------

He stared at his sleeping wife for a few moments.  He wondered why she couldn’t just be safe from all the horrors of her past.  She kept putting it away and it kept chasing her.  It occurred to him that maybe they needed to let her face what she had to face, standing not in front of her to shield her but beside her to support her.

He walked over to the bed and sat down next to her.  Running his hand down her cheek he could feel that she had been crying in her sleep.

‘Dammit, why can’t she just have some peace in her life?’ Jason wondered.

“Court, baby, wake up.” He said softly. He felt her stir under his hand.

He watched her eyes and saw them fluttering open. “Jason?”

“Shhh, honey, just rest.  I need to tell you something.” He took a deep breath. “Your mother is downstairs with Zander and she wants to talk to you.”

“What? No, she has to stay away from him.” Courtney protested struggling to sit up.

Jason helped her up and then took her face in his hands.  “No more.” He said firmly.

“No more?” Courtney questioned.

“No more taking burdens on yourself to protect me or Zander.  We are going to deal with this as a family.  I realize now what you were saying earlier.  It is about control and you have to let it go too.  I’ll help you feel safe another way … I promise.”

Courtney looked away from him.  She was so afraid to tell him everything and she wasn’t sure why she was afraid.

“I’m afraid if I tell you everything it will change how you look at me.  I couldn’t bear that, Jason.” Courtney said softly still refusing to meet his eyes.

“I can’t promise you that it won’t but, honey, why would you ever think that I would love you less?”

“Jason, people died because of me.” She said as she finally looked into his eyes.

-------------------------------------------

“Why would you even say that, Alexander?” The blond asked angrily.

“It’s no secret that Jason is very wealthy.  And, I know, that you have been living with Frank Martin for years.  He’s not a nice man according to Jason.  Maybe you thought you’d get away from him but make sure you could live the way you were accustomed.” Zander reasoned.  He was still very angry with her and he truly believed she had an agenda that she was hiding.

“I came to see my children.” She said. “And my private life is none of your business, young man.”

Zander gave a short laugh.  “Are you serious?  You abandon us as infants then you waltz back into our lives expecting a warm welcome and for us to turn our lives upside down for you but your private life is none of my business?”

She just glared at him.

“Look, I don’t care how many mobsters you f*ck, Mom. But don’t expect to be let into our lives.”

“Isn’t Jason a mobster?” She said with venom in her voice.  Nothing was going as she’d planned.  She had figured her son would be easy to reason with and he was so angry.  She knew she had to convince him that she was only here to be a part of their lives but her temper kept getting in the way.

“Jason is a good man.  He takes care of my sister.  He treats her with respect and honor.  He cares about me even when I give him reasons not to.  He has trusted me with his sister even though I didn’t earn that trust.  His employees respect him and like him.  Don’t think you know anything about him … or our family.”

“Listen, Alexander ….” She tried again.

“He’s right, you know. You can’t blame us for being confused and angry.” Courtney said as she came down the stairs.

She came and stood by her brother.  Reaching down she grabbed his hand and gave it three quick squeezes.  An almost forgotten childhood gesture but it instantly reassured him and then her when he did it back.  It meant ‘I love you.’  Their dad never let them tell each other.  He would yell and scream when they would say it. It was really the only time he would yell at Courtney.  He told them that it wasn’t right for them to be so attached.  Somewhere along the line they had both decided it wasn’t worth the fight.  Not anymore.  They had found their way back to each other and now they were never letting go.

“You know they told Zander he was adopted.” Courtney told Alexandra. “He lived his whole life thinking he wasn’t really a part of the family.  Then after our … after he died mom confessed ‘the truth’.  We still don’t know why she told him a different story than she told me.”

Courtney grasped Zander’s hand even harder and she felt Jason come up behind them.  She tried to reach back to him with her soul … tried to pull some strength from him.  She turned to her brother and forced herself to speak.

“I knew, Zan.  I knew we were twins.  I knew Alexandra was our mother.  Mom told me everything.  And I swore to myself I’d never tell you.”

Zander started backing away from his sister.  She tried to hold onto his hand but he yanked it away from her.

“You knew and you were never going to tell me?” Zander whispered.

“Why would you lie to him? He had a right to know.” Alexandra demanded.  “Maybe he would have come to find me since you obviously didn’t care.”

“SHUT UP!” Zander yelled at her.  “You have no right to even talk to her.”

He turned back to Courtney. “Why, Corey? Please tell me why.”

Zander was relatively calm but both men could see her shaking. Courtney backed into Jason when Zander took a step back towards her. 

“Are you afraid of me, Corey?  Do you think I would hurt you? Never.  I would never hurt you.” Zander reassured her as he took a few more steps towards her.

Courtney started to sob as she tried to press herself back into Jason’s body.  Instantly Zander froze.  He looked questioningly at Jason but saw only confusion on his face too.

Chapter 59 – Breaking Apart

“Courtney?” Jason asked as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I can’t do this, Jason.” Courtney said in between sobs. “I can’t.”

He turned her around and enveloped her in his arms. “MARCO.”

Marco opened the door from the hall.

“Ms. St. Clair is leaving. Now.” Jason said as he gave the woman a hard look.

Marco strode into the room and reached for Alexandra’s arm. She pushed past him and tried to exit the penthouse with dignity but Zander walked behind them and slammed the door.

“Court, let’s go up to bed, okay? You need to rest … for the babies.” Jason said softly. He looked up at Zander begging him to let it go for now. “You and Zander can talk in the morning.”

Zander nodded. One more night wouldn’t change what had happened three years ago. He was angry but he knew his sister … he knew how she thought, how she felt, how she tried to protect those she loved. He didn’t like what she had done … he hated it. But he knew they both needed this time to calm down and think.

“So many secrets, Corey. I wish you would learn to trust me.” Zander said shaking his head sadly. He went up the stairs ahead of them and waited until the door to his bedroom was safely shut behind him before he began to cry.

-------------------------------------------

“I need you to tell me what’s been going on, Courtney.” Jason announced. “The dizzy spells, the fainting, the flashbacks … all of it.”

He saw the look on her face. “Trust me … please?.”

“I ….” Courtney began but then trailed off again. She walked over to the dresser and picked up her rosewood jewelry box. Bringing it over to the bed, she sat down and ran her hand over the inlaid design before gingerly opening it. She moved as if she were afraid of what was inside.

Jason could see all the earrings and bracelets she wore with her casual clothes. He knew that all her good jewelry was in the safe in the closet but when she lifted out the tray of the box he could see the Morgan family pearls that Lila had presented on their wedding day lying underneath. More valuable in sentiment than money he was still stunned to see them out.

She took them out and nervously twisted them in her hands.

“I know these should be in the safe.” Courtney offered with a weak smile.

“Honey, those are yours. Lila gave them to you and you can do what you want with them.”

He could see a single tear track its way down her cheek.

“You know … this is my second set of pearls.” She whispered.

And then it hit Jason. These pearls … the innocent gift of acceptance and love from his grandmother reminded his wife of a horror.

“Courtney …”

“I keep them out as a reminder. Of how different my life is now. How much love and hope. I ….”

“But it’s not enough, is it? It’s not enough to wipe away the memories and you feel guilty. Because you think it should be enough and because you survived. Because Zander hurts. Because I hurt for you. Because you feel like all of it was your fault.”

Courtney just nodded. Jason reached his hand over and gently took the pearls from her.

“My grandmother wouldn’t want her gift to hurt cause you pain.”

He got up and walked over to the closet to put the necklace in the safe. A few moments later he came back and sat down next to Courtney on the bed.

“The flashbacks.” Jason prompted. “Marco didn’t want to tell me but when you disappeared he felt like he didn’t have any choice.”

Courtney heaved a big sigh. “I wanted to tell you … I tried to tell you but you’ve been so worried about this Frank Martin thing.”

“Yeah, well …” Jason gave a mirthless laugh. “That Frank Martin problem turned out to be Alexandra St. Clair.”

“What?” Courtney asked.

“Your … uh, biological mother is Frank Martin’s girlfriend, mistress … hell, I’m not sure what you call her.” Jason said running his forehead.

“So, once again, I’m the cause of everyone’s problems.” Courtney said tearfully.

“What?” Jason asked, stunned that she would even think that. “Baby, no, you aren’t the cause of any problems.”

Courtney just shook her head. “I’ve brought this huge mess into your life and it just keeps growing.”

Jason wrapped his hands around her face and gently held her head forcing her to look into his eyes. “You are not to blame for anything. I know you don’t believe me yet but I am going to keep saying it until you accept it. I have the rest of our life together to make you believe it.”

She reached up and took his hands into her own bringing them down to cradle them in her lap.

“The day I confronted Elizabeth was the day the flashbacks started. It scared me but I thought it was just the stress. I decided to go to the island thinking that it would stop. That was part of why I wanted to go alone. You already hovered so much … fussing over me and I needed a break from that.”

She saw the hurt on his face. “Not a break from you but … this will sound odd but … a break from someone caring so much.”

He just wasn’t understanding what she was trying to explain so Courtney related it to something he could understand. “Remember right after your accident? When everyone was watching you all the time … waiting for you to remember? Remember how that felt?”

He nodded finally getting her point. “It was like I was supposed to get better for them and not for myself.”

He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was being so overbearing.”

She gave him a half-smile. “Oh, sweetie, it’s not your fault. I’ve kept so much from you and the more I kept the more you worried … the more I kept from you to stop you from worrying.”

Jason gave a small chuckle but the pain and worry still hung in his eyes.

“No one knows me as well as you do.” She whispered. “You and Zander are the only people who really know me.”

“I hate that. I hate that you feel like you need to hide and protect yourself.” Jason said in a low, hoarse voice.

“Jase, you have to understand. All my life it was my job to be perfect. I was the good kid. I got good grades. I never worried anybody. No one really cared who I was on the inside … not as long as it appeared to the outside world that we were the perfect family.”

Jason gathered her up in his arms. “I think maybe it would be a good idea to see a doctor about this, Court.”

He felt her stiffen.

“I’m not crazy.” She said coldly. He could hear the fear and pain in her voice but he was relieved that she didn’t try to pull away.

“I know you’re not crazy … that’s not what I’m saying at all but you did have some very traumatic things happen to you. Most people would be confused and fearful after all that. And you never slowed down to even think about it all, did you? You just pushed it all down inside you and kept being the perfect daughter.”

He kissed the top of her head and just held her for a long, long time.

-------------------------------------------

She had long ago stopped feeling the cold of the tile underneath her legs. Hours had passed since Jason had fallen asleep and she had quietly crept out of the bed they shared. She could see the light of the dawn breaking as it slid further and further under the door that closed her off from her husband. He would be awake soon and still she sat on the bathroom floor. She could not summon the strength that she needed to force herself up off the tile and back into her life. So she waited knowing Jason would find her and hoping she could draw what strength she needed from him.

-------------------------------------------

Zander woke up after the few hours of sleep he’d gotten during the night. He had tossed and turned in bed trying to figure out what he wanted to do about the situation. He was finally able to sleep when he decided that he would write Alexandra a check and send her on her way. He’d known the moment he found out that she was their mother … that he and Courtney were twins … that he might have to choose between them. He decided that it would be in everyone’s best interests if he did choose. There was never any question that he chose Courtney. She was his whole life … except for Emily. Courtney was his other half. He had always wished for that … wanted the connection it would bring them because she had always been so perfect to him … light where he was dark, shining where he was tarnished, giving where he was selfish. He knew she wasn’t really perfect but she always would be to him because no matter what he had done or said to her she had loved him … all their life.

-------------------------------------------

Jason woke up alone and he was terrified. He had an overwhelming feeling that something was wrong … that something was about to go horribly wrong and that nothing would ever been the same again.

He noticed the bathroom door was closed and he got up walking over to knock on it.

“Courtney … honey? Are you in there?”

He waited but she didn’t answer him.

“Are you okay? Is it the babies?” He asked his panic growing.

Zander stepped in from the hallway. “Jase?”

“I can’t get her to answer me, Zander.” Jason said the desperation rising in his voice.

Zander walked over and put his hand on the doorknob. He met Jason's eyes before he slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open.

The two men peered into the dark bathroom and let their eyes adjust to the lack of light.

“Oh dear God.” Jason exclaimed when he saw the love of his life sitting on the bathroom floor holding his gun.