Journey Online

Carly looked at Courtney, pushing a lock of hair from the girls eyes. Sighing, the dark blonde bowed her head, attempting to hold in the tears that threatened to spill over.

“Sweetie, you… you, I can’t do this, I’m sorry” Carly choked out through sobs, looking at Courtney apologetically, before running from the room. Sonny watched in shock, as his wife whirled by him, her heels clicking loudly against the floor. The dark blonde pressed the elevator button, impatiently awaiting its arrival. Sonny reached Carly’s side, her finger pushing the button more vigorously, once she felt his presence. Hesitating momentarily, Sonny reached a hand out, placing it softly against his wife’s shoulder, turning her to face him. Biting her lip to hold in the tears that still lingered, Carly looked into her husbands brown eyes. Crumpling into a heap of sobs, the dark blonde fell into her husband’s arms. Sonny held Carly tightly, letting himself slowly slip to the ground with his wife, resisting letting his own tears fall.

Courtney looked at Monica questioningly, watching as the doctor slipped into the seat Carly had occupied.

“How is Jason” Courtney asked, her sketchy memory once again piecing together the last few hours. She watched the doctor pause, a look of sadness crossing her features as she thought of her son.

“He’s still in surgery… they are trying to stop the bleeding”.

Courtney sank back in her bed, the uneasy feeling she had, had since the first mention of their fateful trip to the cabin, still haunting her.

“And me, what is wrong with me?” Courtney inquired, a bit of desperation entering her voice as she once again quested for answers.

“You lost… you lost your baby” Monica whispered, observing the puzzled _expression that Courtney wore.

“I couldn’t have, I wasn’t pregnant”

“Courtney, you were two months along, you would have presented with symptoms very shortly” Monica watched, tears blurring her vision, as Courtney opened her mouth to speak shutting it promptly when a sob escaped.

“Can I please be alone?” Courtney requested, brushing away a few tears and taking a deep breath to steady herself, trying to convince Monica she was okay. The doctor nodded, hesitating, as she reached the doorway, turning to glance back at Courtney who smiled at her reassuringly. When the blonde finally heard the door click behind Monica, she let her tears fall freely. Curling into a ball Courtney pulled the sheets up to her neck, burying her head in a pillow, hoping it would muffle the sound of her painful sobs.

Courtney pulled her head away from the white feather pillow, taking gulps of air as though she had not felt oxygen in her lungs for years. Pulling the blankets back she let her body swing up, her legs hanging over the mattress. Sighing, the blonde ran a hand through her hair, her eyes roaming over the rooms bleak interior. The cold white walls and single metal chair, made her feel more alone then ever. Shivering slightly, Courtney pulled on her jeans and a t-shirt that lay at the base of the bed. Her eyes glanced down towards the leather jacket that hung over the beds metal base. Smiling she lifted the leather to her nose, Jason’s scent invading her senses, a familiar ache settling into her heart. Slipping the jacket on, she remembered the feeling of being wrapped in Jason’s arms. Her hands fell into a pocket, seeking out the cause of the slight bump in the smooth material. With shaky hands, the blonde removed a black velvet box, opening it to gaze at the ring embedded in the middle.

“I have a ring, I’ am going to put on your finger, as soon as I get Sonny’s blessing”

Smiling through her tears, Courtney ran a finger over the silver band, that held a simple, but elegant circular diamond, that shone in the light. Her hand absently fell to her stomach, her heart breaking from the loss of a child, she didn’t even know she was carrying.

“Your baby Jason” Courtney whispered to thin air, letting the tears slip down her cheeks, placing the ring in the middle of the bed, she left the room silently. Glancing up and down the hallway, Courtney observed as a few nurses typed away on their key boards, oblivious to the hospitals going ons. Slipping by unnoticed, the blonde breathed a sigh of relief when she reached the stairwell, ascending towards the roof. The rain pelted against the pavement beneath her feet, the cold droplets soaking through the thin material of Courtney’s clothes. The blonde didn’t notice the cold, her body had been numb since he was wheeled away. Every emotion was like a needle that pricked at her skin, barely breaking through. With a deep sigh, she watched as the lightning crashed through the sky, illuminating the darkened park beneath her. Courtney could almost envision the lush green fields filled with children, skipping about in the sun, playing joyfully, their laughter piercing the air. Glancing down onto the park, all she could make out in the darkness were trees and the rain that ran along the ground. Closing her eyes she savored the cool droplets, it was a piece of her, the way the water fell it was all a part of her memory. The first time she kissed Jason, the rain had made her shiver, the fear and anger at Jason’s threat to Coleman still fresh in her mind. The kiss had made her blood boil; she knew from that moment on the rain would never make her feel cold. Sitting down on the roof’s ledge, Courtney breathed in the air around her, fresh and cool, a mist appearing when she exhaled. She sat looking down on the scenery, all the different scenarios of how the night could have gone flashing through her mind. Raising a hand to her stomach she imagined being able to feel a baby kick beneath her hand, seeing the way Jason would run to her side when she called. Courtney could almost feel the warmth of Jason’s hand slide over her so he too could feel the kicking. It was all a dream, Courtney knew that, but she also knew Jason would have loved the child like no one else could.

Courtney shifted positions settling deeper into Jason’s arms, letting the combined warmth of the fire and his body invade her. Taking his hand in her own, the blonde lifted their palms comparing the sizes, Jason entwining their fingers out of instinct. Pulling back slightly Courtney observed him for a moment, a small smile appearing on his lips as he noticed her studying him.

“What?” He inquired, chuckling slightly when Courtney blushed, bowing her head.

Biting her lip, the blonde let her gaze connect with Jasons' again, almost loosing herself in their crystal blue depth.

“Have you ever thought about kids?” Courtney asked, shifting her gaze to focus somewhere directly over his shoulder.

“Ya… I mean after Michael, I knew it was something I wanted” Jason replied truthfully, watching a smile appear on Courtney’s features.

Settling back into Jason’s arms the blonde sighed, the answer only slightly satisfying her curiosity.

“What do you think your kids would look like?” The sudden question surprised Jason glancing downwards; he was met with a curious gaze.

“I guess I would want them to look like their mother” Jason responded, watching the blonde nod her head.

“I would want them to have your eyes, smile and of course your lips” Jason finished, smiling proudly, as Courtney’s face lit up, her eyes glowing as if In disbelief.

“I love you” Courtney whispered, tears clouding her vision as she stared up into Jason’s baby blues.

“I love you too” Jason replied pulling Courtney In closer, wrapping his arms tighter around her body.

“You think I’ll make a good mother?”

“You’ll make a great mother and I will be a fantastic father”

“Don’t you think your boasting just a bit?” Courtney requested, her eyes shining when she observed the shocked look on Jason’s features.

“Okay, you are going to be the best dad ever” Courtney conceded, earning a smile from Jason.

“But you have to promise if it is a girl you won’t be too overprotective” The blonde haired woman stated seriously, looking him square in the eye.

“I promise I will not control her, I don’t want to be like that, but she is not going to date until she is 40” Jason replied earning a whack on the chest from Courtney, who was trying to glare at him, unsuccessfully. Jason tickled Courtney, earning another smile through her laughter. Settling down the two lay in comfortable silence, letting their outside worries die in front of their doorstep.

“Your right we are going to make great parents” Courtney stated closing her eyes as exhaustion overtook her. Placing kiss on the sleeping woman’s forehead, Jason settled deeper into the couch closing his eyes, sleep coming quickly.

Courtney opened her eyes letting her tears mix with the raindrops. The droplets ran over her eyelashes tickling her cheeks as they fell. Hearing the metal door swing open behind her, she turned slowly. Sonny stood silently by the door, his hands resting in his pockets casually, despite the fears that raced through his mind. Leaning against the cement ledge Courtney took in her brother’s appearance, his black hair curling in the torrential rainfall, his expensive brown suit looking more like his black ones.

“I’m sorry” Sonny offered, stepping closer to his sister. Courtney looked away her eyes filling with tears once again, any anger she had felt towards her brother leaving, to give way to the grief she now felt.

“You didn’t deserve to have this happen to you, I should have been… I could have” Sonny struggled to find the right words, running a hand through his hair he sighed, taking a seat next to her on the ledge.

“You couldn’t stop me from falling in love and you couldn’t have stopped this accident” Courtney replied softly, her gaze fixed on her hands, that twisted nervously in her lap.

“I should have never yelled at you, I may not be happy about your relationship with Jason but the hospital lobby was not the right place to discuss it” Sonny stated, Courtney glanced up seeing the sadness in his brown eyes.

“It’s not your fault I lost the baby” The blonde stated simply, the last words coming out in a whisper. Courtney watched from the corner of her eye as Sonny removed an object from his pocket, placing it in his palm. Taking Courtney’s hand in his own, Sonny slid the diamond ring onto her finger, looking up to see the light shine briefly in his sister’s eyes.

“I give you my blessing, Jason is going to wake up and you and Carly are going to start planning your wedding” Sonny stated, smiling when Courtney jumped into his arms, her form relaxing as her grip on him tightened.

“We have to get back downstairs Monica said she would be out with news on Jason’s condition” Sonny stated pulling away to look into Courtney’s eyes. The blonde nodded, glancing up into the sky just as a star shot through the darkness, its sparkly gold color shining in the moonlight. Closing her eyes Courtney whispered her wish, finally following Sonny back into the hospital.

“Just let Jason be okay” The wish echoing in her head as her heartbeat sped up with every step towards the waiting room.