Journey Online

Title: How Do I Live
Author: AJ
Feedback: Amester@Att.net
Rating:PG
Category: WIP
Type:Angst/Romance/mob
Summary:Sequal to I Will

Sonny walked into Jason’s penthouse. “Jason?” He called out as he shut the door. His eyes scanned the room, and landed on a note on the desk. Sonny picked it up, and read.

I’m leaving. I can’t stay here. Not without, her. I’m sorry.

“Oh God.” Sonny looked up from the paper.

Jason looked up from the motorcycle. He put his helmet on, and drove out of Port Charles, not looking back.

Jason heard a sharp knocking on his door. He opened it, only wearing his boxers. It was Carly. “How the hell did you find me Carly?” Jason asked as he opened the door further, allowing Carly’s entrance.

“I know you better then you know yourself, I was bound to find you eventually.”

“Okay, then WHY did you find me? I told both you and Sonny to leave me alone.” Jason rubbed his hand over his forehead in frustration as Carly took a seat on the hotel bed.

“You have been looking for her all this time, haven’t you?” Jason gave her a blank stare, knowing that she knew the answer. “Jason I understand what you’re going through, okay?” Carly looked up at Jason as he threw on a black shirt, and a pair of jeans.

“Do you Carly? Because I’m not so sure.” Carly stood up to face Jason, seeing the tears in his eyes.

“I love ya Jase, but you can’t keep running. It’s not going to help. I need you. Michael needs you. Sonny needs you. Look, Michael lost his Aunt, and he thinks he lost his Uncle, too.”

“The last thing I want is to hurt Michael, but…” Jason looked away from Carly as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“She’s alive Carly...I know that it sounds stupid, and unreasonable, but…Something tells me she is still out there, waiting for me to find her.” Jason whispered looking at the ground.

“Jason…” Carly began, but stopped, not knowing what to say.

Jason now had tears streaming down his face. “Carly, just leave. I’m not going back to Port Charles. I tried living there, I did. But every time I turned a corner, something brought back a memory. I couldn’t deal with it.”

“Carly, get out!” Jason pointed to the door, trying to get Carly to leave him alone.

“This is not what Courtney would have wanted.” Carly whispered, not moving. Jason looked up at her, the sound of Courtney’s name tearing at his heart. “She would want you to be happy. She would want you to be there for your family.”

Jason shook his head. “I failed her.”

“No, Jason. You brought out the best in her. I have never seen her so happy. Please Jason, for Courtney, come home.” Jason looked at Carly, surrendering in his eyes.

The penthouse door opened, Sonny jumped up in anticipation. “Carly, where have you been?”

“I was looking for someone.”

“Carly, I told you not to try and find Jason. He doesn’t want to be found.”

“Well, that’s too bad for him, because I found him, and he is right across the hall now.”

“What?” Sonny asked in confusion. He knew that Jason was hurting, and he knew that Jason wanted to be as far away from anything that reminded him of Courtney.

“Look, Courtney would want Jason to be with his family, so I honored her by doing what I know she would want.” Sonny shook his head at Carly, angry that she went behind his back, overjoyed that she got through to Jason. “He is convinced that she’s still alive.” Carly looked at the ground.

“I know.” Sonny stated. “She’s not, though.” Sonny paused. “I’m the one who put her on that plane. If it wasn’t for me, she would be…”

“No, Sonny,” Carly cut him off, “Do not do this. This was not your fault anymore then it was Jason’s. Hell, if you want to put the blame on anyone, put it on me.”

“How do you figure that one?”

“Why do you think Courtney had to be on the run in the first place? Because I asked her to do me a favor, and being the sweet caring person she…”

“This is pointless Carly; we have to stop playing the blame game.”

“You started it, not me.”

Sonny rolled his eyes. “I need to go see Jason.” Sonny began to walk past Carly, to the door; but Carly grabbed his arm in an attempt to stop him.

“Give him time to get used to being back here. I know, it’s almost been a year, but he is still hurting. No less then the day he left.”

Sonny nodded, knowing that Carly was right. “How long was he gone?”

“Four month and seven days.” Sonny looked at her quizzically, “I counted.” She shrugged.

“It’s really been that long?”

Carly nodded, and sighed. “How have we gotten along without him?” She said as she sat down on the couch.

“We haven’t gotten along very well, I’ll tell you that.” Sonny joined her on the couch, placing his hand on her knee. Carly laughed shortly, knowing that he was right. She had lost two best friends in the course of a few months. She had lost the two people that she could confide in about anything. Even though Jason was back, she knew in her heart, that it would never be the same. There was a piece of Jason that he lost when the plane went down, and she knew that it would never come back. Not without Courtney.

Carly sighed, and placed her head on Sonny’s chest. Thinking about Courtney still brought tears to her eyes, and at the moment, she couldn’t suppress them. Sonny wrapped his arms around his wife as she cried.

Jason was walking around Port Charles, getting used to seeing it again after the four months he was gone. He hoped that maybe the memories wouldn’t be as strong. As he walked by Kelly’s, he knew that would never happen. The memories hit him all at once. This is where he had first met her. This was where they would talk when she was trying to do her job. This is where he always insisted on waiting and walking her home. This was where he came to see her after he was released from jail.

He tried to shake off all the memories as he walked away towards the docks. He kept his eyes on the ground, almost as if he was afraid to see what was in front of him. Before he walked down the steps, there was a prickling on his neck. It was the feeling that only one person ever gave him.

His eyes drifted up. His breath was caught in his throat. It was her. She stood there, looking out at the water, the wind lightly brushing her hair back. “Courtney?” Jason asked himself under his breath. “Courtney?!” He said more loudly, still she made no move to acknowledge his presence.

He galloped down the stairs, still in disbelief. He grabbed Courtney’s arm, and twirled her around to face him. He looked in shock at her, and then he pulled her into an embrace, needing to know he wasn’t just hallucinating.

She pulled away in surprise, “Do I know you?”

Her words were burning in his ears, “Courtney…It’s me.” Jason said, still holding onto her hands.

“Do you know me?” Courtney asked, making no attempt to pull away from Jason.

“Do I know you?” Jason asked in disbelief, “Of course I know you.” He looked in her eyes.

She finally looked into his eyes…deep in his eyes, and something clicked, “Jason!” She felt like she was going to cry. All these months, not knowing who she was, and where she belonged. They all disappeared. It didn’t matter that she didn’t remember anything except Jason. It felt like he was all that mattered. Memories suddenly flooded her. Only of Jason.

She threw her arms around his neck and he picked her up, twirling her around. “You’re alive.” He whispered as he put her back on the ground.

Courtney brought her hand up to Jason’s face, she felt tears streaming down her face, but made no effort to wipe them away.

“Jason.” Courtney repeated. He leaned down and passionately kissed her. When they finally pulled away, Jason began asking questions. “Where were you?”

“Winter Haven, Florida. A man found me near the site of a plane wreck, and he brought me into his house. All I remembered was waking up there.”

“What DO you remember?”

“Well, I didn’t remember anything from my past until just a minute ago. So, to answer your question, nothing but you.” Jason gazed at Courtney, still trying to let it sink in that she was actually there. “They found a passport in my purse, but nothing else. It said that my name was Allison…”

“Rex, Allison Rex. I was Joseph Rex.” Courtney laughed. “Your name is Courtney Matthews.”

“Yea, I remember now.” She smiled at Jason. “I started going everywhere my passport said I had been, until I finally ended up in this hotel in Rome. Someone there obviously recognized me, and I told him my situation. He told me to go to Port Charles, and here I am.”

“Here you are.” Jason repeated as he leaned in to kiss her, savoring each second that he had with her.

“There is someone that I think you need to meet.” Jason said to Courtney as they rode in the elevator to Jason’s floor.

Courtney shook her head hesitantly, “Jason, I’m not sure if I am ready to see anyone. I mean, I don’t remember anything but being with you, and…”

“It’s alright.” Jason stopped her. “Look, you can wait at my penthouse, but…I need to let Sonny, know you’re alive. He’s your brother, and I think that he deserves to know.” Jason had now taken Courtney into his penthouse, and she sat down on the couch.

“Okay.” Courtney agreed, trying to remember her brother. Nothing clicked. Jason leaned down to kiss her, and then left the penthouse.

Jason walked into the penthouse, not bothering to knock. Sonny and Carly were sitting on the couch. Carly had fallen asleep, and Sonny just sat there watching her. As soon as he noticed Jason, he was on his feet, and had Jason in a brotherly hug.

“Are you sure that you are ready to be home?”

“I wasn’t, until this afternoon.” Jason answered.

“Why? What happened this afternoon?”

Jason looked over Sonny’s shoulder, and noticed that Carly had stirred awake. As soon as she was up and standing next to Sonny, he began. “It’s Courtney…Sonny, she’s alive.”

“Jason,” Sonny began, “Courtney is dead. As hard as it is, you need to try and accept it.”

“No, Sonny. You don’t understand. She’s alive, she’s here.”

Sonny stared in disbelief at his best friend. “Jason, you saw the DNA results, you heard…”

“Sonny, will you listen to me! She is in my penthouse as we speak. I found her on the docks an hour or so ago.”

Sonny shook his head, seriously doubting his friend’s sanity at the moment. “Jason…” Sonny was cut off by the door flying open. Sonny’s eyes widened in astonishment. Right before him, stood his sister…His DEAD sister. “Courtney!?”

“Courtney!?” Carly repeated.

Courtney looked desperately looked at Jason. “Courtney, this is your brother, Sonny, and this is your sister-in-law Carly.” Jason walked over to Courtney, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, trying to comfort her.

Sonny still looked lost, “You’re alive.” He said in disbelief.

“Wow, this is a lot to take in.” Carly suddenly felt dizzy. She grabbed on to Sonny to steady herself, as she looked at Courtney, still in shock.

“She doesn’t remember much.” Jason turned to face Courtney, “What’s wrong?”

“A man…He walked into the apartment. He must have recognized me; he started freaking out and…” Just then the Marco walked through the door.

“Sonny, it’s your sister.”

“I know.” Sonny stated, still questioning it himself.

All of this seemed to be overwhelming Courtney. Jason noticed this right away, and quickly tried to get her out of there. “Sonny, I think that Courtney needs some rest so, I’m going to take her back home. Most of her clothes are still there anyways.”

Sonny nodded, he was ready to agree to anything…His baby sister was alive!

Jason led Courtney over to his apartment. When he had shut the door, Courtney broke down in tears. Jason held her as she cried into his shirt.

“Courtney what is it?” Jason asked as he stroked her hair.

“I have a family Jason. A family that I can’t even remember. Do you know how hard that is?”

“Actually, I can relate.” Courtney pulled away to look into Jason’s eyes.

“The accident.” Courtney stated.

“Yea, you told me…Uggh, I can’t remember when.” Courtney sighed as she pulled away from Jason. “I want to remember.”

“It’ll take time.”

Courtney smiled, trying to believe him. “Would you mind if I took a shower?”

“You know that this is your place, too. You can do whatever you like. I’m going to make sure that Sonny and Carly don’t go into mental shock.”

A memory came whirling into Courtney’s mind, “I just hope that he doesn’t get angry, or else he’ll be paying for new crystal.” Courtney flashed a grin at Jason as she made her way up the stairs.

“How is it possible?” Sonny asked Jason as he came through the door.

Jason shook his head in confusion, too. “I didn’t bother her about it yet. She doesn’t remember anything before waking up in Florida.”

“I saw it…You saw it. The DNA tests proved it. She died in that crash.”

“No she didn’t Sonny!” Jason yelled. “She somehow survived it. I don’t know how, and frankly, I don’t care.”

“Jason, something’s not right,” Sonny said more calmly. “How is it that the police found two bodies matching Courtney’s and the pilots, yet, Lo and behold, one of them is alive?”

“I…I don’t know Sonny. The police have been known to be…well, stupid.”

“Jason. I know that there is something wrong here!” Sonny shouted.

“Sonny!” Carly finally jumped in. “Your sister is alive! Is that not sinking in? I understand why you are questioning it, but why not enjoy her being here, first? Let Jason tell us everything that she said, and we can concentrate on helping her get her memory back. Then, maybe she will remember something pivotal.”

Sonny stared at his wife, not arguing. “Tell us.” Sonny said to Jason.

“All she remembers is waking up in Winter Haven, Florida. I guess a man found her near where the plane crashed, and helped her. All she had was her passport, the fake one. She went everywhere that it said she had gone, then in Rome, a man recognized her and told her to go to Port Charles.”

It left so many questions, “Why does she remember you?”

“I don’t know. She didn’t at first, but something must have just clicked, I don’t know exactly.”

“I need to talk to her.”

“Sonny…” Carly warned, not bothering to finish her sentence.

“Not right away. And maybe not me. Jason, you need to talk to her.”

“No Sonny. Not right now, I need to give her a chance to get used to being in Port Charles. Look, we can’t push her to remember, or she may never. She has to do it alone. She may need someone helping her along the way, though.”

Sonny glared at Jason in frustration. “Then what are you doing here?”

Jason nodded, getting Sonny’s point, and walked out of the penthouse. The second that Jason was out the door, Sonny threw a crystal vase at it. Carly screamed in alarm.

“Sonny!” She cried out, scared for her husband. It wasn’t the first time he had broken perfectly good crystal.

Sonny could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He felt Carly cautiously put her hand on his shoulder, trying to relax him. Sonny put his face in his hands, trying to hold back tears. She was alive, true, but why…God, why didn’t she remember. He wanted Courtney to part of his family again more then he could remember, and she had no idea who he was. As far as she knew, he was a complete stranger.

“Sonny?” Carly tried to get him to talk. He only shrugged her off, causing Carly to stumble and fall onto the couch. She quickly got to her feet and tried to reach Sonny once again. He only picked up yet another vase, and threw it against the wall. Carly stood still, not knowing what else to do, as Sonny threw glass after glass on the floor, and at the walls. He finally gave up, fell to his knees and cried. Carly sat next to him, and wrapped her arms around him, getting a vivid de javu of the night Sonny came home from the island.

Courtney stood in the shower. The water was steaming hot, and it relaxed her quite a bit. After it had been a good twenty minutes, she stepped out. She quickly dried herself and changed into the clothes that Jason had left out for her. When she had changed, she wiped some steam a way from the mirror, about ready to dry her hair. Something hit her, a memory. There was a phone call on her cell…A man…fire…Courtney felt dizziness overcome her, and her knees gave out.

As Jason walked into the penthouse, he heard Courtney turn off the water. He smiled at the thought of her being there with him. He wasn’t going to let her go again. A few moments later, he heard a thud above him, “Courtney?” He yelled, as he ran up the stairs.

He quickly opened the door, not bothering to knock. Terror filled him as he looked at Courtney lying on the bathroom floor. He quickly ran to her side, trying to shake her awake, “Courtney!” He yelled, trying to keep himself calm. She didn’t move. “Don’t do this to me Courtney.” Jason demanded still trying to get her to wake up.

She suddenly stirred, her eyes jutting open. “Jason?” She whispered holding her head in pain.

“Courtney, are you okay?” Jason asked, worried.

“Yea…I think so.” Courtney slowly sat up

“What happened?”

“I…I remembered something…It’s not very clear. I just remembered getting a call, on my cell phone.”

“Do you remember who it was?”

Courtney strained to remember, “No.”

“Look, don’t try to remember, it’ll come.”

Courtney looked at Jason, hope in her eyes.

“You need to get some rest.” Jason said as he helped Courtney stand up. She was still a little wobbly as he helped her into his bed.

“Yea?” Jason helped her under the blankets.

Jason smiled, then leaned down, and kissed her on the forehead. He sat there, waiting until she had fallen asleep.

Carly walked down the stairs, following the smell of eggs. Sonny walked out of the kitchen, plate in hand. “Morning.” He smiled, trying to pretend that nothing had happened last night.

“Eggs, the chef is back.” Carly smiled at Sonny. He hadn’t cooked in the months Courtney was gone. Somehow, he had put up with Carly’s frozen meals, and delivery. “Are you…feeling better?” Carly asked.

“Yea.” Sonny smiled, “I’m sorry, about last night.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Sonny placed the plate on the table. He slowly sat down on a chair. “She is alive.”

“I know, and Sonny, that’s a good thing…Why were so angry about that?”

“Carly, she is alive, and she doesn’t remember anything about her family. Everything that we worked to have, the relationship we built, finally. It’s all gone.”

“No it isn’t Sonny.” Carly joined him at the table. “It’s still there. It’s a little buried in her memory, but it’s there. You might just have to give her some time, and space. Sonny, your sister is still in there.” Carly placed her hand over Sonny’s.

He sat there, only looking into her eyes. She smiled in return, then grabbed the plate of eggs, and began eating. “Who said they were for you?” Sonny laughed as he watched her eat.

“I assumed.” Carly grinned, her mouth full. He sat there, smiling at her. The phone rang.

Carly rolled her eyes as Sonny answered it. “Mr.Corinthos? I over looked the files on the crash involving Ms. Matthews, and there is no record of anyone else on the flight, or near the plane after it crashed. The only one there was a man, Kyle Teller. He reported seeing the flames while he was in his house, but there was no mention of anybody there.”

“I want his address.” Sonny said, “What state, what city, what street, what house.”

“Right away sir.” Sonny heard Michael hang up the phone, and he did the same.

“Can I ask who that was?” Carly asked as Sonny sat down.

“No.” Sonny smiled at Carly, “finish them,” He said gesturing to the plate sitting in front of her. Carly swallowed another bite, obeying.