Journey Online

Jason awoke alone. He looked around and realized that she must have left some time ago because the cushion next to him was cool. He stood up and stretched. He didn’t know why but he went upstairs to her bedroom. The door was ajar so he peeked inside only to see that she wasn’t there. He cocked his head to one side and came back downstairs. He went to the front door and opened it. "Where’s Courtney?"

"She took the elevator up to the roof." Marco replied. Jason didn’t even think twice as he took the stairwell up to the top and opened the door. He saw her sitting on the ledge wrapped in her green sweater. Her blond hair was blowing precariously in the wind and she seemed so small for some reason. He stood back and watched her as she watched the sun rise. The glow from it illuminated her entire frame and she didn’t seem human at all. She was too beautiful to be human. He walked to her side not wanting to scare her.

She heard the footsteps on the gravel and turned around to see him. She smiled. "What are you doing up here?"

"Looking for you." He took a seat on the ledge beside her and looked down. The drop had to be over thirty stories high straight down into pavement.

"You’re not scared of heights either?" She asked.

"No." He replied looking over at her.

"You’re going to catch a cold out here."

She simply shrugged. "I don’t care. Something this beautiful is worth it." She whispered looking into his eyes and then dropped his gaze. She had to stop doing this. It wasn’t right. He was married and she was on the verge of going through a divorce. She had to let this go, whatever it was. She had to let him go. He would never leave Brenda for her. She wouldn’t leave Brenda for her. She smiled crookedly.

"Nothing. Just thinking to myself. I came up here because I figured that the view would be better from up here and it is. Everything is so much more clear and true." She whispered speaking on many levels.

He nodded understanding every one of them. She turned back to the skyline now that it had been completely lit up. "Osiris rises again." She whispered.

She wiped down another counter at Kelly’s before she ended her shift. She slipped into her hat and jacket and waved good-bye to Elizabeth before exiting into the cool night. She looked down at her watch. She had about an hour before she had to meet Sonny. She smiled. The very thought of being with him was so great. She stepped over the cobblestones that led up to Kelly’s and made her way onto the sidewalk. She looked up at the moon as it began to appear in the sky and she sighed. "Remus returns." She thought to herself.

"Courtney." She heard his voice but didn’t want to believe it. She turned and stared at A.J.

"Get away from me." She stated trying to walk around him when he blocked her pathway.

"Wait just listen to me please. Just hear what I have to say." He said reaching out to take her arms but she backed up not wanting him to touch her.

"Don’t! You want to talk then talk but don’t put your hands on me." She replied firmly.

He sighed letting his hands fall in front of him. "I am so sorry that I lied to you. I am so sorry about all the things that I put you through. I am so sorry that I scared you."

"You stalked me A.J. You stalked your own wife because you were jealous of your brother! You didn’t just scare me A.J. you hurt me! You didn’t trust me! You didn’t believe me when I said I loved you. You didn’t have faith in me or my words or my feelings."

"I know I just was stupid."

"No! It’s not about being stupid. It’s about looking at me and seeing what I wanted to be for you and with you. I was going to give it all up for you. I wanted to be all the things that you said you never had while growing up. I wanted to be supportive and trusting. I was all of those things and more! And still that wasn’t enough for you." She shook her head truly sad. "And now… all I want is to be as far away from you as possible. All I want to do is forget I ever knew you." She walked passed him but his words stopped her.

"And you think that Jason is going to want to be there for you?" She turned to him and said nothing. "You think that he’s going to leave his wife for you? Do you think that he’s going to drop his obligation to Sonny and let you into his life? I may not have been perfect but at least I loved you in my own way. I took care of you. I gave up my family for you. Jason is only going to break your heart! He’s never going to give you what you want! He can save you until the cows come home but he can never ever love you!" He whispered harshly.

"I never asked him to." She said out loud and then walked away.

A little over an hour later…

Sonny and Courtney sat at the table looking over various pages in his numerous cookbooks. She pointed at a picture. "How about this one?" She asked with a grin.

"You want to make that? That’s nothing!"

"Everything is nothing to you. You know how to make everything. You’ve probably made everything in this book haven’t you?"

He smiled. "Well you know when you’re good, you’re good."

"Oh please Mr. Conceited!" She rolled her eyes at his mockingly hurt expression. She grew serious for a moment. "I just want to say that I’m really glad we’re doing this."

He shook his head. "Me too. Now come on how about this one?" He showed her something else and she raised her eyebrows.

"What is it? There are words here I haven’t even heard of! That doesn’t even look appetizing. I mean what’s that dripping off of it? And why are there purple flowers or something coming out of that end?"

"Okay fine we won’t make it." Just then the phone rang and he sighed. "You keep looking while I get that." He said picking up the phone. "Yeah." He listened intently and sighed. "All right I’ll be right there." He replied and then hung up.

"So here we go. Look at this. This could work." She said bringing the book over to him and pointing it out to him.

"I uh… I have to go out for a little while. I’m really sorry Courtney."

She shook her head. "No it’s okay. We can always do this another time." She replied with a smile.

"Yeah?" He questioned.

She nodded. "You live right across the hall! I don’t think that it will be a problem."

He smiled. "Good. You don’t have to go. You can stay here if you like." He replied.

She shook her head. "No, this actually gives me a chance to catch up on a few things. I’ll see you later Sonny." She said as he kissed her forehead and got on the elevator and she stood there watching him go. She tipped back and forth on her heels trying to decide where to go now that she had nothing to do. She pushed for the elevator and waited until the doors opened and she got on. The bodyguard watched her with raised eyebrows wondering where she could possibly be going without a coat or sweater.

Chapter Eight: Tell Me No Lies

A little while Later…

Jason came home and stood in the hallway wondering if he should go and see what kind of mess Courtney and Sonny were making in the kitchen. He made his way over there. "So how are they doing in there?" He asked.

"Mr. Corinthos left a little while ago."

"I don’t know. She didn’t have a coat or a hat. So I thought that she went to get the mail but she hasn’t returned. Maybe she is still in the lobby." He offered.

"No." He shook his head knowing exactly where she was. He took the stairwell once again and sure enough found her sitting on the ledge of the building. There was a slight drizzle now and he could see her shaking. He walked up to her and she didn’t move. "Courtney?"

She didn’t reply. He could see her face in the darkness and knew that she was beyond cold. He reached out to take her fingers and they felt like ice. Her eyes were still open as she stared out into the night and they were clouded with unshed tears. "Courtney come on." He said pulling her up and taking her in his arms. He took her back downstairs and into his apartment. He laid her out on the couch and began to rub her hands furiously trying to warm her up. He left her side for a moment to turn up the heat and then came back. A little color had returned to her lips and cheeks but her hands were still ice cold. "Courtney you have to get out of these clothes.

He led her upstairs grabbing a sweater and some cotton elastic running pants from her box. They didn’t match but at least they were warm. He helped her in the room and gave them to her but she didn’t move. He rubbed his hand over his face knowing what he would have to do. He reached out and began to take off her shirt. He led her arms out of the sleeves and tossed the shirt aside. Reaching out he grabbed the sweatshirt about to put it on her when she reached out and took his hand in her own. She looked up at him.

"If… if things were different?" She swallowed hard trying to get her voice back under control. "If maybe you didn’t marry Brenda… would you… could you, ever… love me?" She questioned.

He felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. He swallowed hard not being able to catch his breath. He looked down into her eyes as she stared into him. Her blue orbs watery from cold and pain but still she wanted the truth. But what was the truth? Could he ever love her? The truth was he did love her. He loved her oh so very much.

He loved her smile and her laugh. He loved the way she cocked her head to one side when he would try and avoid the truth when they talked. He loved the way she played checkers and he loved the way she cajoled him into interacting with Rosie. He loved her strength and vulnerability. He loved the way she dressed and the way she spoke. He loved her fire and her sweetness. God how he loved her.

She waited for him to answer. She didn’t even know where the question came from. All she knew was that it was there and it wouldn’t go away. She had to know. She needed to know that perhaps there had once been a chance for them. She knew how she felt. She knew ever since that night in the rain. If she were honest she knew before then. She knew the moment that she had seen him knocked out on her living room floor. The way he took care of her. They way he held her and comforted her. She knew. She loved him.

He couldn’t tell her though. He had an obligation to take care of. He wasn’t what she needed in her life. He wasn’t what she deserved. She deserved a life where she could wake up to the man that she loved every morning not have to wait for him at night, wondering if he would ever come back to her. And yet he couldn’t lie to her. She trusted him so much. She cared so much. She was so honest with him and never once hesitated to be there for him when he needed her. She defended him to her brother and father and to her husband at the time. She took care of a part of him that he couldn’t even let himself near. She took care of his heart.

"Yes." He answered simply and saw her smile.

"Thank you." She replied and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you so much." He held onto her wishing for a life that he should have had. His body pressed against hers was all the warmth that she would ever need. She looked up into his eyes and watched as he bent down and kissed her. So slow and passionate it was. So sweet and intense it began and spiraled out of control until they were lying on the bed wrapped together in an embrace that seemed like it was Heaven created. Neither one of them stopped it because they couldn’t. And so they continued letting the night take them away…

Chapter Nine: Understanding and Acceptance

They awoke together wrapped in each other’s arms still fully clothed. They hadn’t went there but the idea had been tempting. Instead she held him until they both fell asleep. He looked up from her embrace and saw that she was looking at him. "I know… This can’t happen again." She whispered. "But it was worth it." She replied.

He nodded looking up at her. "Yeah… it was." He whispered reaching out and caressing her cheek. It was warm now and back to its unearthly glow. She was truly an amazing sight. She sighed closing her eyes and enjoying the way his fingertips brushed against her flesh. She wanted so much to make this last. She wished that this could go on forever. She reached up and took his hand within her own to make him stop. She opened her eyes and stared into his eyes.

"Thank you." She got out of the bed and stretched out her limbs. He stood up as well and bowed his head wishing for the same thing unknowingly. He looked up and saw that she had made her way to the window. She looked back at him and smiled. "Come and look!" She held out her hand for him and he crossed the room and took it within his own. They stood side by side. "It’s a rainbow. It’s a sign that God leaves letting us know that everything is okay." She whispered softly. She nodded turning to look at him. "Everything is going to be okay." She said to him giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. He smiled looking down at their fingers intertwined and then back up at her and for some reason he believed her. He didn’t know how or why just that he did.

Brenda watched them from the doorway taking in the way they seemed to fit. She smiled hoping that he listened to her. She hoped that he didn’t throw away something that was so good for him. She turned and made her way downstairs and off to the hospital.

It had been a little over a week since Courtney had moved in and things seemed to go pretty smoothly. They had stayed true to their word and left one another alone. Sure they still talked and she still cooked and laughed but there were no more sleepovers or late night embraces or kisses. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but he knew that it was for the best. They couldn’t go there. Maybe if things were different they could have been something more but they were what they were and there was no getting around that. He opened the door and almost couldn’t believe his eyes. There she was moving around the living room dressed in a pair of worn jeans and an oversized Giants sweatshirt. She had a bandanna tied around her head, earphones on her ears that was attached to a walk-man clipped on by her belt loop and a broom in her hand. It looked as if she were trying to clean but her dancing kept getting in the way.

"I got this Jones forming in my bones from a man, who indeed took over my soul, understand. I couldn’t breathe if he ever said he would leave. Get on my knees till they’re bloody red, begging please…" Her voice was slightly off key but her manner was hilarious. He removed his jacket and draped it over the back of the chair and stood watching her with a grin.

"Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby love it when I hear your name…." She whirled around and saw him watching her. She quickly removed her earphones and stood there her mouth still agape with shock and embarrassment. "Jason?" She swallowed hard trying to gain some composure and humility, which was fading extremely fast at the moment.

"Courtney." He said trying to contain himself.

"I was just… I was cleaning." She said trying to be serious.

"I can see that. I never knew that the broom could be used as a microphone." She gave him a crooked smile and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah well, when I clean I like to do something else to make it go by quicker. It’s a habit." She replied with a shrug.

"Does that really work?"

"Not really." She answered truthfully. "I think I started early this morning and I’m just now finishing." She stated with a grin looking around the apartment.

He followed her gaze and noticed too that the apartment was somewhat brighter, almost like it shined. Although that could be just from her very essence of being around. He shook his head mentally clearing his mind of the thoughts. He couldn’t keep doing that. He had to let that go. It was odd that he kept saying that because he always found himself alone with her.

She stared at him not sure of what he was thinking. She wasn’t sure that he would share. So she let it go and sighed. "I have to get to work." She stated nonchalantly.

"Do you need a ride?" He asked.

She shook her head. "No. I think that I’m going to take the bus." She replied slipping into her jacket. She had to close tonight so she wanted to be prepared. He watched her put on her hat and then button up her coat. Finally looking back at him she gave him a crooked smile. "I made sandwiches for lunch. There’s still some in the fridge." She looked at him for a moment and he could tell that there was something that was bothering her and yet he was afraid to ask. She didn’t offer but left whatever it was unsaid and exited the penthouse.

Chapter Ten: Missing in Action

He looked at the door wondering where she was. It was almost eleven and she hadn’t come home yet. He liked the way that word sounded in his head. ‘Home.’ This was her home with him… and Brenda. He kept forgetting that minor little detail.

He sighed getting up and walking over to the stairs. "Hey Brenda I’m going out. I’ll be back later."

"Whatever!" Was her only reply. He shook his head and sighed. He slipped into his leather jacket and left.

He went to Kelly’s first but found that it was closed. Which wasn’t a big surprise but then where was Courtney? He felt his heart begin to pound a little faster in his chest but he stopped himself not wanting to go there just yet. There were a million places that she could be. It didn’t mean that she was in trouble. He hopped on his bike and sped off in search of her.

He must have searched every place that was still open in Port Charles and he couldn’t find her. He finally headed back to the penthouse. If she hadn’t shown up yet he would tell Sonny. Arriving about ten minutes later he rode up on the elevator and practically hopped off when the doors opened. He looked at the bodyguard. "Did Courtney come in? He asked.

"I don’t think so. I just came on sir." He replied and Jason nodded. He opened the door and took the steps two at a time. He knocked on her door and didn’t get an answer. He opened it slightly and found her bed empty. He sighed closing his eyes for a moment needing to calm down. Where was she? Where could she be? Did someone take her? Is she hurt? The questions just wouldn’t stop.

He raced down the steps and across the hall. He knocked once before simply turning the knob and entering. "Sonny, I think that Courtney is…" He trailed off when he saw her lying on the couch in front of the roaring fireplace asleep. He took in a deep breath at the sight of her; the first one he had taken it seemed in a lifetime. He swallowed hard and walked over to her kneeling in front of the couch. He reached out and brushed her face with his fingertips. He thought he had lost her. He thought the worst. He was so afraid for her. He understood what she meant when she said that she was afraid for him that night he went after Coleman. If it felt anything like this he didn’t know how she could stand it. His heart had stopped beating it seemed. He had lost the ability to breathe and he didn’t know what he would do if he couldn’t see her again. If he never got the chance to see her smile or hear her laugh again he felt like he would never feel anything again.

Carly stood on the top stair watching the scene. She smiled knowingly. She knew a man’s heart, better put, she knew Jason’s heart. She sighed and Jason looked up and stared at her. "Carly how long have you been there?" He asked.

She descended quietly. "Long enough to see you making gaga eyes over Courtney." She replied with a smirk.

He sighed. "Carly don’t start."

She shrugged. "What? You can’t stand to hear the truth?"

"No, but it’s late. I don’t want to go there with you."

"No that’s not it. I mean not the whole thing anyway. You don’t want to face the truth about the way you feel about her. Hey you know if you want to keep denying yourself then go on. I mean if you think that you can let this one go like all the others then fine, it’s your life." She stated perching herself on the arm of the sofa.

"What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about?" She laughed sarcastically. "You know what I’m talking about. You like her Jason. I can see it written all over your face. Every time that you look at her, the way you always rush to her rescue when she calls. I see it every time her name comes up."

"First off I watch out for her because Sonny asked me to. He wanted me to keep an eye on her and make sure that she was safe."

She nodded. "Okay whatever keep telling yourself that. You know if you think that she doesn’t want you, you’re crazy. She has the biggest crush on you Jason. She gets all defensive when anyone mentions you. She jumps to protect your name whenever she can and attacks when she thinks that someone is going to slander you. I’ve seen the way she acts, I know that act well trust me." She said with a smile.

"Yeah but Courtney doesn’t do crazy things and cause trouble in the name of love." He pointed out.

She shrugged and sucked her teeth. "Well, see that’s because she isn’t me. But she likes you Jason." She looked down at the girl fast asleep on the couch. "You know… she might be good for you too. Don’t write her off just yet." She whispered softly.

He sighed. "What is she doing here?"

"Sonny met her at Kelly’s. They went for a walk in the park and then they came back here and just hung out. I think she was asking him about the fastest way to get a divorce. He got a call and had to go out and she stayed and was waiting for him and I guess she just fell asleep… Michael came down here not too long after Sonny left and they played for a little while. He loves his Aunt Courtney that’s for sure." She said with a smile. Anyone that Michael liked was good standing in her book. Almost everyone anyway.

Jason nodded. "That’s good." He was still watching her sleep. She was lying on her side, one arm rested beneath her head the other draped over her stomach. Her blond tresses were spread out over her face covering her cheek and mouth. He reached out and brushed them behind her ear so he could see her more fully.

"Yeah and you say that you don’t have a thing for her? I’ll believe that the day that A.J. comes out looking better than you." She remarked with a sarcastic grin.

Jason simply sighed and shook his head. "I’m going to take her home." He whispered reaching out to pick her up. He just had his hands beneath her warm body when Sonny came in.

"Hey what are you doing?" He whispered.

"Nothing. I was just taking Courtney to bed… I mean, I was taking her home." He corrected and heard Carly’s soft chuckle.

"A little slip there?" She whispered.

"What for? She looks okay. Why don’t you just let her sleep here tonight?" Sonny offered staring down at his sister.

Jason sighed and removed his arms from beneath her body. He stood and looked down at her. "Are you sure? I mean Rosie gets a little crazy without her around." He replied looking for an excuse.

Sonny smiled. "Bring the dog on over." Sonny remarked. He would do anything to have her stay and not just for the night.

Jason almost read his thoughts and found himself not liking it. "No. I’ll keep Rosie. It takes her a little while to get used to new places. She might bark and whine in here and that might wake up Michael." He said dismissing the idea.

Sonny nodded. "That’s okay. I think she can stand being away from Courtney for one night."

Jason nodded and scratched the back of his head. "Well, I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight Sonny. Night Carly." With one last look at her sleeping on the couch he exited.

Carly watched him go and smiled. "Somebody’s got it bad!" She sang softly. Sonny looked up and stared at her.

"Nothing." She recovered. "Are you ready for bed?" She asked coming up behind him and massaging his shoulders.

"Yeah you go ahead. I’ll be up in a minute." He replied.

Carly sighed. "You know she’s not going to disappear. She’s not going anywhere Sonny. A.J. is out of her life. There is no way that she’s going anywhere near him again." She said softly holding his hand.

He smiled knowing that she was right but almost afraid to believe it. "I know that. I just want to look at her for a minute. You go on up. I’ll be right there." He leaned over and kissed her cheek and she rolled her eyes.

"Okay. Just hurry it up!" She ordered climbing the stairs.

Once gone he turned to his sister and took a seat across from her on the coffee table. Reaching out he brushed his fingers through her hair and smiled. It was such a strange feeling. He had always wanted a little sister. Someone to look out for. Someone to protect against the horrors of the world. Someone to be overprotective with. He had always wanted something like this and now he had it and it was unreal to him. It was like having his very first dream come true and not having cost him anything. There had been no blood shed or tears cried or ultimate sacrifices. She was just here and there were no consequences. He swallowed the lump in his throat that had formed there and brushed the tears out of his eyes before they had a chance to fall. "I love…" He took a deep breath and laughed a little before continuing. "I love you." His voice was low almost barely a whisper. God how he wished he could tell her that while she was awake, but it was hard enough to say it when she was asleep. He sighed shaking his head. "Maybe someday." He promised her and then got up brushing the palms of his hands on his legs feeling the warmth from the fireplace. He stared into it for a moment and then left to be with his wife.

Chapter Eleven: An Unexpected Fan

Jason sat on the couch, Rosie settled in his lap. He stroked her head absently as he stared into the darkness. He couldn’t sleep. He wanted to sleep but his head just wouldn’t stop thinking. He wondered what she was dreaming about, if she were dreaming at all. Did she have any idea how scared he was when he thought that something had happened to her? Did she truly know just how much he cared for her? He rubbed his eyes with his opposite hand and took in a deep breath. "No, she couldn’t know." He said to himself and smiled when Rosie lifted her head and looked at him with curious eyes. "You still love me don’t you Rosie?" He asked and sighed when she licked his face. "Like I said before, you’re not really my type." He scratched her behind her ears. "Yeah you like that huh?" He chuckled.

"Hey where’s Courtney?" Brenda asked descending the steps.

Jason looked over his shoulder as she stood behind the couch. "She’s sleeping at Sonny’s." He replied gravely.

"Oh? How do you feel about that?" She asked.

"Courtney can sleep wherever she likes. She doesn’t have to answer to me." He replied not looking at her.

"That’s not what I asked you."

"Could you not, please?" He asked taking in a deep breath tired of everyone’s observations. He knew how Courtney felt about him. He knew because he could see it in her eyes. But he also knew that she was hurting and confused. She didn’t know what she should trust? Her heart or her head, they were both probably telling her different things. He didn’t want to add to her confusion by dumping all the little secrets of his life on her.

"You could tell her the truth about us."

"And what truth is that Brenda?"

"That you don’t love me Jason. That the only reason why you married me is because I made you, just tell her." She said reaching out and touching Rosie on the back, and smiled when she felt her lick her hand. "I think she likes me." She said with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, she likes pretty much anybody." He replied and saw her roll her eyes. "I didn’t mean it that way. She’s just easy to please is what I meant. Aren’t you girl?" He asked not expecting an answer but saw her wag her tail.

"Just think about it Jason."

"There’s nothing to think about. She’s going through a divorce after having A.J. hire some punk to stalk her. She’s hurt and confused. The last thing that she needs is me." He stated.

"I just love the way you do that. Did you learn that from Sonny?" She asked bitterly. He didn’t reply. "Oh you know what I’m talking about. You both just make up the reasons why the people who want to be in your life don’t need you. How do you know what she needs? I’m not saying, go to her room and tell her that you love her and that you want to spend the rest of your life with her. All I’m saying is that you can let her know that the door is open."

"How can the ‘door’ be open when I’m married to you?" He asked.

"So then divorce me!" She retorted and saw him bow his head and rub his forehead tiredly.

"Fine. But can I take Rosie to bed with me tonight?" She reached out and stroked behind her ears and smiled wider. "Please?" She begged.

Jason rolled his eyes and caved in. "Fine." He remarked. He was just losing all around.

"Come on Rosie." She coaxed and he watched as the dog jumped off the couch and followed Brenda upstairs.

He sat there not sure how he ended up alone once again. He looked over at his front door wanting to go over to Sonny’s place and bring her home but closed his eyes to the thought. She was where she wanted to be and it was only for a night. Tomorrow… that was another matter.