Title: By the Light of the Stars

Author: Elli

Feedback: ghfan4life@hotmail.com (NOTE: Please put fic title in the

subject)

Rating: PG/PG-13

Category: Angst/Romance

Type: WIP/Long

Summary: Jason loses his memory--again! How will his friends and family

react to this sudden and dramatic change? Will his relationship with

Courtney be damaged forever?

A/N: I wrote this chapter a long time ago and entitled my story Things Happen. (Which I wanted to credit the title to a poet named Emma Lou Thayne who wrote a poem that I loved called “Things Happen”) Since then, someone else has written a fan fic with the same story title, so I changed it so as not to get them confused. Don’t know what possessed me to call it By the Light of the Stars, but whatever. So if you recognize this story from fanfiction.net, but see that the title is changed, that’s why! I’m writing another story right now (When You Say Nothing at All) but I decided to finish the first chapter in this one. Anyway... let me know if you like it so far and if you want me to continue it.

Chapter 1:

~*~ A few days after Sonny fired Jason

Courtney walked slowly into the hospital room, unsure of what she was going to say to him. “Jason?”

Jason Quartermaine sat up in his bed, not knowing what to expect from his first visitor. He looked at the pretty blonde standing in front of him and wondered what her story was. “Do I know you?”

“I’m Courtney Matthews.”

“And I suppose you’re someone who I’m supposed to recognize?”

“I guess,” she answered with a quiet voice, “it-it doesn’t matter to me one way or another.”

He was surprised by her answer. After all, the doctors had told him that when people came to visit, they’d probably feel uncomfortable and be hurt when he didn’t show any signs of recognition. “So tell me, are we friends?” He asked, his voice containing a hint of sarcasm, but mixed with kind words. She certainly was beautiful.

“Jason Morgan and I were good friends,” she answered, sincerely hoping that she hadn’t said the wrong thing.

He smiled at her; intrigued by the way that she answered his questions. “How good?”

Courtney blushed, unprepared for this question. She cleared her throat, searching her mind for an answer. “Um. Well- Jason Morgan and I lived together.”

He stared at her, trying to comprehend what she had just told him. Why hadn’t his mother told him about her? What else was there about Jason Morgan’s life that he had yet to discover? The only other visitors he had had since waking up the day before were his mother and father, who had been his doctors since he’d arrived at the hospital with a gunshot wound and a severe blow to the head. He wasn’t even sure how he’d ended up with a gunshot wound. The last, and only, thing that he could remember was being in a car with a guy who was drunk. His doctors explained to him that he had been in an accident years earlier, which had caused him to lose his memory then too. “I don’t remember much.”

“I know,” she said. “Please understand that by coming here, I’m not expecting you to pretend like you know me. I just-if you want to be friends, I would like that. And I can understand if you don’t want anything to do with me, I’ll just leave you alone.”

“No, no. I think-I think that I would like that. It’s just that, my only memory is of being in a car with a drunken guy and then, an accident. I know that that happened years ago, but it all seems so strange. Thanks for coming.”

Courtney started, “I should get going, my brother wants to see you and-”

“Will you come back?”

“Do you want me to?”

~*~

“What happened?” Carly asked Courtney as she walked out of the room. “It certainly couldn’t have been bad. I mean, you’ve got a small smile on your face.”

“Well,” Courtney said. “You know, he asked if he knew me. I said that Jason Morgan and I had been friends, but that I didn’t expect him to recognize me or anything.”

Carly hugged her girl friend, knowing that Courtney had said the right thing, “That must have been hard.”

“It was... He said the last thing he remembers is being in a car with a drunk guy,” Courtney said.

“Oh my god. He remembers everything about life before AJ got him into that accident years ago?”

“No, he said that the first accident is the only thing that he remembers. I don’t think he knows anything about his life, his life working for Sonny.”

“So I guess Monica didn’t tell him,” Carly said. “It’s probably best that he finds out for himself. Oh, I hope Sonny knows how to handle this.”

~*~

“The brother?” Jason asked the dark-haired man who came into the room. He had a kind of seriousness about him, almost a presence that commanded respect. Jason was already interested in how they were connected to each other.

“Sonny Corinthos.”

“I guess you knew Jason Morgan, then?”

“Jason Morgan worked for me, yes. He was also my best friend, my brother, the man who I trusted my life to everyday.”

“So you’re the reason I’m sitting in this hospital bed, recovering from a gunshot wound and a brief coma?” Jason stated without bitterness. “I’m not angry.”

“My line of work is dangerous. Jason Morgan thrived on that and stayed loyal to me, no matter what. Even when I shut him out, he protected me. And that’s why you’re sitting here.”

Jason could see that the man was not blaming him for the accident, but was explaining who Jason Morgan had been to him. Curious about his past life, he asked, “And what made you shut him out?”

“I gave him a choice. He didn’t choose me.”

“What choice?”

“His job-or my sister,” Sonny explained.

“He chose the blonde?” Jason asked, sorting through the massive amounts of information he’d received in the past two conversations.

“He chose the woman that you loved.”

“He-he loved her?” Jason managed to choke out.

~*~

Courtney took a deep breath before opening the door to the loft and walking into the place that was soon to become no more than a memory. She smiled to herself, remembering the first time she and Jason had come there. The land lady had tried to convince her that getting involved with a married man would only turn out to be a disaster. Courtney remembered her confident reply, “Trust me, I know what I’m doing.” But had she? Courtney hadn’t expected herself to fall so hard, and so fast, for Jason Morgan. After all, she was still in the process of getting a divorce, from his brother, no less. She had fought hard to be with him, and when she had finally succeeded in convincing him that their love was worth it, she had lost him. Forever.

Sitting down on the bed that she and Jason had made love in for the second time only a few days before, Courtney felt a tear start to fall down her cheek. She quickly brushed it away, ashamed that was losing the control that she had over her emotions. Losing Jason and his love for her was something that Courtney hadn’t expected to happen. Yet there was no way that she could avoid it and pretend like everything was going to be the same. Jason Morgan had taught her how what true love is, and she didn’t want to disappoint him.

She fell back onto the bed and closed her eyes as memories of their time together flooded her mind. Courtney would always be grateful for the way that Jason had been a friend to her from the very beginning, always there to protect her. And now that the man she had loved was gone, it was her turn to be a friend to someone in need. It didn’t matter to her that the love she had shared with Jason Morgan probably wouldn’t resurface as she spent time with Jason Quartermaine, she just wanted to be kind to him and hoped that he would learn to trust her enough to let her do so.

It wasn’t long before Courtney wrapped herself in a blanket and crawled into the warm bed. She loved the special smell of the sheets; it reminded her of Jason. As she thought of him and how happy they had been together, her mind wandered away and carried her into a deep sleep.

~*~

Jason Quartermaine couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was because the hospital bed was really uncomfortable, or maybe it was because he couldn’t get her face out his mind. She had looked so innocent and gentle as she talked with him. The first thing that he had noticed about her was that whenever she smiled, her eyes lit up and it looked like they were filled with millions of tiny stars. He hoped that he hadn’t hurt her by not being able to remember, but it wasn’t as if he had any control over his mind.

What was he supposed to do with his life? The life that Jason Morgan had led didn’t appeal to him, except maybe the part about Courtney. He didn’t want to get involved with the mob because the way that Sonny had described it, the life was horrible. Constantly in danger, worrying about your family and the people that you love. Why would anyone ever choose to live like that?

He was a little surprised to hear a light knock at the door, but was willing to listen to whoever it was. It was a little unnerving to have someone walk into his room and know that he was supposed to recognize them, and not be able to.

“Did I wake you?” the woman with dark hair asked him.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said. Damn, Jason Morgan had known some gorgeous women!

“I don’t think Jason Morgan ever slept,” the brunette said with a laugh, “He was always in protector mode and his gun was always within reach.”

“So I guess you’re not going to expect me to recognize you?”

“No. They said you were brain damaged.”

“Yea,” Jason paused for a few moments. First the pretty blonde, and now this beautiful brunette. “So tell me, how am I supposed to know you?”

“Does it matter?”

“I guess not,” he responded.

“We were friends,” she said slowly, unsure of how to describe her relationship with him.

“What? Was I sleeping with you while I was with Courtney?” Jason asked.

With this comment, the woman began to laugh, her cheeks turning red and her eyes stinging with tears. “Sleeping with you?” she managed to say in-between giggles, “Oh god, you really don’t remember anything do you?”

Jason’s eyes grew dark as he prepared to respond, “You think I’m faking this? Like I really enjoy sitting here watching people look at me with this faraway look in their eyes, hoping that I’ll snap out of it any second. Well, guess what? I’m not going to. My life has changed from whatever it was before, and if you don’t think you can handle that, then I’m asking you to leave.”

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, “I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just all so different, you know?”

“Yea.”

“I’m just trying to be your friend.”

“Ok. What did you say your name was?”

A/N: I got WAY more feedback on the beginning of this story than I ever expected, so thank you guys so much! I really appreciate it. I’m not the best at getting chapters out as fast as I like, but I haven’t been feeling very “inspired” for the past few months. I’m hoping that all that will change this summer, though.

Chapter 2:

~*~

“Ok. What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t,” the woman responded with a sly look.

“Then are you going to tell me?” Jason asked impatiently.

“Maybe,” she taunted, enjoying their little game, “Try guessing.”

“Whatever,” he said, annoyed that she was getting to him, but at the same time, amused that she didn’t want to tell him her name. Maybe it was some dreadful name that she never told anyone when they first met, “How about Brittany? That’s simple enough.”

She made a face before responding. “Do I really look like a Brittany?”

“No,” he decided after studying her face for a moment, “Kelly. Or maybe, Alyssa?” Even though she was trying her best to hold her laughter in, Jason could make out her smile, though it was half-hidden behind her dark brown curls.

“Not even close,” she said, “It’s too bad, really. I was going to make you some cookies if you guessed correctly.”

Jason gave her a strange look as she walked towards the door, “Are you leaving?”

“Yea. I’m not supposed to be here, remember?”

“Right. But somehow I get the feeling that you’re not used to following the rules.”

“I’m used to getting what I want,” she replied. Turning her back to him, she walked out.

~*~

Courtney rolled over and opened her eyes briefly, but quickly shut them again, as the sunlight streaming through the window of the loft was very bright. She reached over to Jason’s spot on the bed to wake him, but felt only the cold surface of the sheets. Worried for only just a moment, Courtney suddenly remembered the events of the past few days.

Sighing and wiping a stray tear from her face, Courtney wrapped herself in Jason’s blanket-no, her blanket-and rolled out of bed. Walking into the kitchen area of her loft, she opened one of the cupboards, searching for a box of cereal. Finding nothing, Courtney flopped onto the couch, deciding what she would do for breakfast. She didn’t want to go to Kelly’s, rather, she didn’t want to remember where Sonny had first told her that Jason wouldn’t be coming for her. Lucky for Courtney, her choice was made for her when the ringing of her cell phone interrupted her thoughts.

“Hey, it’s Carly.”

“Yea?”

“Do you want to come over for breakfast? Sonny’s cooking,” Carly said.

“Sure,” Courtney quickly replied, “I need to hop in the shower, so I’ll be there in a few.”

“Ok. Bye.” Carly hung up at the phone and glanced over at Sonny in their penthouse, “She’s coming.”

“Good. Even if she doesn’t show it much, I know that she’s hurting a lot right now.”

“We all are, Sonny,” Carly replied thoughtfully, “It’s so hard to accept that the Jason that we all knew and loved is never going to come back to us. Right now we need each other, more than ever, okay?”

“I know, which is why I wanted Courtney to come over for breakfast. And afterwards, maybe you and Courtney could go back to the hospital to see Jason.”

“I don’t want to crowd him,” Carly began, “I mean, god, he doesn’t remember anything, and I’m afraid that I’m going to lose it right there in front of him.... He was my best friend, the person who never ever failed me, and now that person is gone.”

Sonny reached over and placed his arms around his wife’s waist, “We’ll get through it.”

~*~

Jason stretched his arms, waiting for the doctor to come in and give him the daily report. He didn’t have to wait long; however, because a tall man wearing a blue hospital outfit soon came in to see him. Jason glanced at the name on the tag: Tony Jones.

“Jason, I’m Dr. Jones, General Hospital’s neurosurgeon. Right now, from what I can see, your body is healing very nicely from the gunshot wound. It wasn’t too serious, and only grazed your arm, but what I’m here discuss with you is the head injury you received. From what we have been able to see, the brain damage will probably be permanent. Although you are still able to perform normal daily activities, you will never fully regain your memory.”

Jason nodded his head with acceptance. It wasn’t as though he was going to be able to change what had happened to him, and the best thing that he could do was start his life over again, “Is there any reason why I can remember the accident from years ago?

“That is what puzzles us most. Can you remember anything other than that? Perhaps certain events have been able to jog your memory.”

“No,” Jason answered, but he strained his mind, searching for some other information that he might be able to give to Dr. Jones.

“If there is anything else, let me know,” Dr. Jones said, “You’ll probably be able to leave the hospital in another week, but we want to keep you for observation in case other areas of your brain have been damaged.”

“Ok.”

Dr. Jones gave a tight smile to his patient and left the room, nodding his head toward Dr. Quartermaine who was patiently standing outside the gray door.

“Mom?” Jason asked as Monica entered the room, “Right?”

“Yea. That’s me, Monica.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Courtney?”

“Courtney?” Monica asked, surprised that Jason would be asking about her, “Well, she is in the process of getting a divorce from your brother if that’s what you mean.”

“So what you’re telling me is that I was living with my brother’s wife?” Jason asked.

“I didn’t realize you were living with her,” Monica began with a shocked look on her face, “I had always thought that you and Brenda were living together.”

“Brenda? Why haven’t I met her?”

“I think she moved to Europe,” Monica said, standing up, “But I have to go check up on my other patients. It looks to me that you’re healing very well.”

Jason stared at the white wall across from his bed for several minutes, attempting to piece together the life that he had led before the accident. Why was he dating his brother’s wife while he was married?

~*~

Courtney exited the elevator at the top of Harborview Towers. She looked over at the door that led into PH4 and sighed as she turned towards Sonny and Carly’s penthouse. She didn’t even have to knock on the door because Marco had already announced her arrival.

“Courtney!” Carly called, “So glad you could make it.”

“Yea, me too.” Courtney tried to smile.

“How’s my sister doing?” Sonny asked, coming from the kitchen, still wearing his cooking apron.

“Better,” Courtney answered honestly, “Need help with whatever you’re making?”

“Sure,” Sonny replied. Courtney followed him into the kitchen, while Carly held back, knowing that they needed some brother and sister time.

“Here, take these,” Sonny said, handing Courtney a spatula and measuring cup. Courtney helped Sonny as he mixed the waffle batter, though neither one of them was saying much.

“I’m sorry that I got so angry last week when-when you came to Kelly’s to tell me that, you know-” Courtney began.

“It’s fine,” Sonny said, “I mean, I’ve gotten angry with you before too.”

“Yea,” Courtney replied, remembering the fight that they had had after Jason broke up with her.

“And you know, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, and I wasn’t trying to shut you out. I just wanted what was best for you,” Sonny began to explain.

“I understand all that now,” Courtney interrupted, “I just wish that none of that ever had to have happened.”

“But it did and-”

“-and there’s nothing that we can do to change that now. So maybe, maybe, we should just try starting over.”

“Sounds good to me,” Sonny agreed.

Courtney and Sonny finished making breakfast, both in the best mood that they’d been in for days. Sonny walked out of the kitchen with a plate full of waffles and set it down right in front of Michael’s seat.

“Yummy!” Michael announced as he reached up to take the first waffle.

“Wait a second there,” Courtney joked, “Those aren’t all for you.”

Michael pretended to look angry, but couldn’t hold his face in a grimace for very long before bursting into giggles, “Why isn’t Uncle Jason here too?”

Carly, Courtney and Sonny remained silent, none of them wishing to explain to Michael, but Carly finally spoke up, “Sweetie, Uncle Jason is very sick right now, he’s in the hospital.”

“Can I go see him?”

“Maybe,” Carly answered, but she wasn’t sure that it was the best idea since Jason was sure not to remember anything about him and she didn’t want Michael to be upset.

~*~

Once again, the woman with dark brown curls who seemed to be in her late twenties peeked her head into Jason’s hospital room. Today she was wearing dark low-rise jeans and a short brown tanktop with an interesting necklace.

“Aren’t you cold?” Jason asked suddenly, and the woman jumped from the sound of his words.

“Yea, actually I am,” she said, not expecting him to be awake, “I came by to drop off some cookies, since at least you tried guessing my name last night.”

Jason couldn’t help but smile a bit, as he responded, “This hospital food is horrible.”

“Yea. It is pretty terrible isn’t it?”

“Yup. So you’re just going to drag this out until someone comes in here and tells me who you are, aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” she responded with a playful smile.

“Can you at least tell me how I’m supposed to know you?”

~*~

Carly and Courtney walked down the hall of the hospital with Michael following close behind. Before leaving the house, Carly had explained to Michael that Jason probably wouldn’t remember him because when he was in the accident, he lost his memory. It was difficult for Michael to understand, but Carly had done her best to prepare him.

“Mommy, Aunt Courtney,” Michael said from behind them. They turned to hear him better, “Am I the only one that Uncle Jason doesn’t remember?”

“No, sweetie, Jason doesn’t remember Mommy or Aunt Courtney either. And you know that Jason is Mommy’s very best friend, so I don’t want you to feel bad, okay?” Carly answered. Michael nodded his head as they rounded the corner.

“There it is,” Courtney said quietly, “Carly, why don’t you go in first since I already saw him yesterday and I’ll stay out here with Michael.”

“Okay.” Carly took a deep breath before looking through the window and into Jason’s room. She was so afraid of saying the wrong thing to him, and she wasn’t quite sure how she was going to react when it finally hit her that Jason was never going to remember.

~*~

“Alright. Fine. I’m your ex-wife.”

Jason’s eyes grew wide at Brenda’s words, “Wow. I, uh, wasn’t expecting that? Shouldn’t we hate each other or something?”

“Well, we always have,” Brenda replied, “but when I left, I guess you can say we were friends.”

“Why’d you leave?”

“I decided to find a better life away from Port Charles and the people living here.”

“So why’d you come back?”

“I couldn’t stay away,” she answered, “I missed the atmosphere of PC. Pretty crazy, huh?”

“Only a little. So if I never loved you, why were we married?”

“I asked and you accepted.”

“Just like that?”

~*~

Carly couldn’t take this anymore. She’d been staring into the room for only a few seconds before realizing who Jason was chatting with. Brenda? Wasn’t she supposed to be gone and in Europe?

~*~

“Pretty much. And besides, after a while, I was with Jax and you were seeing Courtney. Not that I knew that you were seeing Courtney because nobody did.”

“Courtney,” Jason said, “My brother’s soon-to-be ex-wife?”

“The very same. Sonny’s sister, but I guess you knew that too?”

“Yea.”

“She made you so happy,” Brenda began, “and when I left, you had broken up with her because of Sonny and every time I saw you, I could see how painful it was for you to be separated from her. Of course, you were trying to do the noble thing...”

“And keep her safe? Something like that, right?”

“Yea.”

Jason was about to say something more when Carly came in and interrupted the conversation, “So, back again, Brenda?”

“Yes,” the brunette replied, “and I guess you’re here to see Jason, so I’ll be leaving.”

~*~

A/N: Since I’ve just been reading Breezy’s “rant” of sorts, I’m begging you all to please leave me constructive criticism. I realize that I’m not the best writer, but I need your input on what I can do to improve. One of the things that I’ve recognized is that I always have mass dialogue, and I’ve been trying to cut back, but as you can tell, I’m failing miserably... so please, if you’re reading this and you don’t like it, let me know why, but try to keep it in a positive light. Or if you want to be all out brutally honest, I’ll deal.

A/N: I got so excited from all the feedback that I decided to go ahead and write chapter 3 right now! It’s rare that I update this quickly, but anyway, you guys really don’t know how much it means to me to have you tell me that you like my writing. I’ve always been very shy about sharing it with anyone, and when I finally worked up the nerve to start posting it, I’ve been amazed at how nice people are. So once again, thank you! It gives me a little boost of self-confidence whenever somebody leaves positive feedback... and now that you all think I’m a big loser... :P

Chapter 3:

Brenda picked up her things and left Jason and Carly alone, closing the door to the room behind her.

“Brenda?” Courtney asked with disbelief as she spotted the brunette in the waiting area, “I-I thought that you had left a few weeks ago.”

“Yea, I did,” Brenda said, “but I’m back again.”

“Oh.” Courtney tried not to let her expression show her mixed emotions, but Brenda could see right through it.

“So I guess you’ve seen Jason then?” she asked. Courtney didn’t respond immediately, allowing Brenda the time to recall her final conversation with him at the airport.

“Yea,” Courtney responded slowly, “He doesn’t remember anything.”

“Yea, I know,” Brenda replied with a laugh, “I thought I was going to pass out when he asked if we’d been sleeping together.”

“Guess he really doesn’t remember anything, then.” Courtney raised her eyebrows slightly, glad to find some humor in Jason’s situation. “Not even me,” she added under breath.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Brenda tried to say in a comforting way, “You know, when I left, I told Jason that he deserved to be happy with you.”

“Really?”

“Yea. I could see how much it hurt him that he had to shut you out.”

“Well, I guess in a way, it’s all over now,” Courtney sighed.

~*~

“So, uh, I’m Carly. Carly Corthinos.”

“Sonny’s wife?” Jason asked

“Yea,” Carly responded. Neither of them said much for a few minutes. Carly looked around at the drab hospital room with its off-white colored walls. There was one window, though covered by an ugly dark-brown shade, on one wall, and on the other walls there was nothing but bare space. Carly’s eyes wandered towards a large chair that rested against one wall and a small wooden table that was placed beside Jason’s hospital bed. On it lay a plate of cookies.

“Brenda make those for you?” she asked politely, hoping to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Yea,” Jason responded, “So if you’re Carly, then that makes you like my best friend? I can’t quite remember what Sonny said.”

“Something like that,” Carly began, “Basically, I trashed Jason’s whole life and took everything away from him, but he still stayed by me and helped me whenever I needed it or asked for it, and-and I never felt like I gave enough back to him for everything that he did for me.”

“So he was a pretty great friend, then, huh?” Jason asked.

“The very best,” Carly answered, “but, you know, I don’t want you to think that I expect the same from you or anything.”

“Yea, I know. It’s just a little strange.”

“Yea, for me too,” Carly said, “Listen, my son, Michael, wants to come in and visit. I explained to him that his Uncle Jason won’t remember him, so I think that he should be okay. Would you like to see him? You were always his best buddy.”

“Sure.”

Carly exited the room and returned a few minutes later, holding Michael’s hand.

“Uncle Jason!” Michael called before remembering what his mommy had told him.

The sight of the small red-haired boy running into his room startled Jason.

“Oh yeah, I forgot, you don’t remember who am I, right? Cuz of the b-brain damage?” Michael asked timidly at the strange look on Jason’s face.

Jason recovered quickly from the flashback and smiled at the cute little boy while sticking out his hand, awaiting a high five. “It’s nice to meet you Michael.”

~*~

Carly had to drag Michael away from Jason because he was having such a good time even though it wasn’t his same old Uncle Jason that he was visiting with. Carly couldn’t help but notice that even with brain damage, Jason certainly had a way with children.

“Hey Courtney, if you want to go in and see Jason now, go ahead. Michael and Jason were having such a great time together, but I’ve got to get him home soon. I’d love to stick around but-”

“Don’t worry about it, Carly,” Courtney interrupted, “Go ahead and take Michael home, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you-”

“Yes, I’m sure, now go!” Courtney said as she gave Carly a little push.

“Hey! Be nice to the pregnant lady!” Carly said to Courtney, although she couldn’t help but to smile.

Courtney laughed to herself as she made her way down the hall and entered Jason’s hospital room for the second time.

“Hey,” she said, still smiling from the encounter with Carly.

“Hey,” he replied, turning to look at her from where he was standing near the window, “So you’re back?”

“Yea.” Courtney placed her purse on the small table next to Jason’s bed. “I wasn’t disturbing you or anything was-”

“No,” Jason interrupted her quickly, “I-I have something I need to tell you.”

Courtney gave him a questioning look and briefly gazed into his eyes, hoping to find some sign of what he was going to tell her.

“Sit down,” he gently commanded. Courtney followed his instructions and took a seat in the big blue chair that lay against one of the bare walls in Jason’s room.

“What is it?” she asked softly.

He didn’t know how to put the memory into words, and he didn’t quite understand what had happened, but he was going to try his best. “Carly brought Michael in to see me.”

“Yea, I know.”

“When he came into the room, something-something strange happened,” Jason continued, “I-I had this flashback.”

Courtney’s eyes grew wide, but they were still filled with an uncertain fear. “That’s a good thing, right? Do you remember what it was?”

“We-we were in the park with Michael,” Jason began, “I guess it would have been cold because all three of us were wearing jackets.”

Jason stood up from where he was sitting and walked towards the window once more. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, but Courtney patiently waited for him to speak.

“You asked Michael for a kiss,” he said, “And he leaned in to give you one.”

It suddenly dawned on Courtney what Jason was referring to; however, she didn’t want to disturb his thought pattern because remembering was something that Jason needed to work on, right?

“And then Michael wanted to know why you weren’t going to give me a kiss,” Jason whispered, “And I started to protest, but-”

Courtney’s face broke into a small smile and tears were stinging her eyes as she too remembered what had happened that day in the park. Had it really only been a few days earlier?

“-but you walked over to where I was standing and you kissed my cheek,” Jason continued. He looked over to where Courtney was sitting and noticed her hand brush something off of her face. “A tear?” he wondered. “God, this must be so painful for her to sit here and listen to me talk about the only thing I remember about her and everything that we supposedly shared together.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Jason said.

“No, no,” Courtney responded quickly, though the hurt in her eyes was apparent, “don’t be. I’m glad that you remembered.”

“Me too,” Jason said with a small smile, “I remember you saying that you loved me.”

Courtney tried hard to fight back the tears, but she was losing control of her emotions once again.

“And then it all went blank, and I was still standing here in this horrible, enclosed room,” Jason finished.

She turned her face away, trying to hide the fact that tears had begun to spill onto her cheeks. “I should go,” she managed to choke out before getting up in a rush and hurrying out.

“Wait!” Jason called after her. He started to walk after her, but decided against it. “You forgot your purse,” he said to himself. But was that the only reason that he didn’t want her to go?

~*~

“God Courtney!” her thoughts screamed inside of her, “Why did you start to lose it? Especially in front of him?” She pressed the button outside of the elevator, somehow managing to hold herself up until the elevator arrived. When it did, she climbed on, completely alone. As the doors closed behind her, she finally let herself go as the tears began to gush down her cheeks. Slumping onto the floor, Courtney’s hands went to her face as she sat there, sobbing uncontrollably. Nothing in the world mattered to her now as she released her emotions on the floor of the hospital elevator. Her body shook as her cries echoed throughout the small space.

“Why God? Why did you take him away from me?” she said through her tears. She sat there, staring at the wall across from her, though it was hard to see through the blur of her tears. Her body had stopped shaking so much, but the tears were still there, continuously running down her face and there was nothing that she could do to stop them. In a way, it was almost a relief to be alone and to be able to finally let herself cry.

“Why don’t I deserve the chance to love and be loved?”

The elevator reached the parking lot level, ringing its annoying bell. The doors opened, revealing the ugly garage, but Courtney didn’t move. Instead, she closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the elevator, not wanting to return to the place that now left so many painful memories in her heart forever.

Forever. “Nothing lasts forever,” she silently thought, “God doesn’t give a damn that Jason and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together. It doesn’t matter to him that we were happy and that I wanted to give Jason a child of his own one day.”

She slowly got up from where she was sitting and pressed the button that would open the doors to the elevator and throw her out into the world once again, “I don’t believe in love.”