A/N: The update has been long overdue... my life has been a roller coaster, but here it is.

Chapter 4:

~*~

Jason closed his eyes, but her face still appeared in front of him. Her blonde locks framed the look of deep pain that had come across her face as he had described the short memory. He couldn’t get it out of his mind. “I love you,” she had whispered. Opening his eyes once more, his gaze immediately fell on the small wooden chair that sat next to his bed. Walking toward it from the doorway, Jason set Courtney’s purse down and placed a hand on the wooden chair. Gripping the frame, Jason’s eyes filled with anger as he picked up the chair and threw it against the closed door. All thoughts and emotions left his mind, save only one: anger. Sweeping his arm across the small table, he knocked everything to the ground. Jason faintly heard the shattering of glass behind him, but it didn’t matter.

There was only one thing he could feel at that moment, and that was anger. He grabbed the sheets on the bed and ripped them off, then threw them against the wall. Jason stopped for only a moment as he remembered the simple words she had spoken on that cold day. “I love you.” Why did this have to happen to her? She didn’t deserve to have the love of her life taken away and all he could do was struggle to regain the lost memories and become the person that he once was. As he thought these things, Jason continued to tear apart everything his hands touched. A single cry of rage escaped his lips as he began kicking the sturdy hospital bed with all the energy that had been building up inside of him.

“Jason!” a doctor yelled as he walked through the door followed by two burly men. The largest of the men grabbed Jason, but he struggled against their strong arms. “Calm down!”

Jason could feel his heavy breathing and the quick-paced beating of his heart. He stopped struggling, admitting defeat. The men loosened their grip on his arms, allowing Jason to turn and look into the small, now cracked, mirror that hung on the wall. His face was bright red, and his eyes were bulging. He could see the sweat running down his face as he took a deep breath and filled his lungs with new air.

Jason felt the hands that had held onto him let go, so he moved freely toward the mangled bed. He took a little time to survey the damage that he had done to his small home, but soon, his eyes traveled near the door, where he could plainly see Courtney’s slightly opened purse lying on the floor. A tube of lipstick, a few loose coins and a hairbrush were all that stuck out. Looking up at the sound of the door opening, Jason’s eyes rested on his father.

~*~

Courtney walked into Kelly’s and placed her coat behind the counter. She quickly found the apron that she had to wear every day, put it on and ran her hands along the rough texture. Her fingers slowly stopped as thoughts of Jason returned to her mind, but her attempts at pushing them away weren’t working. All she could see was his face, his eyes full of confusion, telling her about a memory that he didn’t understand. The tears were no longer spilling onto her cheeks; in fact, it seemed to her that she had no tears left. Besides, it was no use crying over a situation that she couldn’t control. Plastering a fake smile on her face, Courtney began to walk out from behind the counter.

“Where’s my purse?” she thought suddenly. The thought of such an unimportant thing hadn’t crossed her mind before that moment. Realizing where she must have left it, Courtney cursed softly. There was no way that she was going to go back there and face him after the way that she had run out. Not today. Not now. Deciding that she had better begin working, Courtney walked toward the table of her first customer.

After only seeing to one table, Courtney felt incredibly tired and worn out. She didn’t want to be here in public where the people around her were all happy and cheerful. None of them seemed to be living a life that was crumbling apart one piece at a time. Sighing to herself, Courtney turned back towards the kitchen, where her eye spotted a familiar face.

“Carly!” she called out.

“Hey!” her sister-in-law responded with a smile that quickly faded, “What’s wrong? You look awful. Did something happen with Jason when you went to see him?”

“Oh, no,” Courtney lied, attempting to put a smile on her face, “It was a little uncomfortable, that’s all.”

“Then what’s wrong?” Carly questioned.

“Nothing,” came the quick reply, “I’m just a little tired.” At least that part was true, “but, um, I left my purse in Jason’s room and I don’t have time to go get it right now.”

“Oh,” Carly replied, “You probably need that. I just finished with things at the club. Want me to drop by and get it for you?”

“Could you?” Courtney answered hopefully, “Thank you so much...”

“It’s no problem.” Carly left her friend and waved as she exited the diner. Courtney wasn’t telling her everything and she was going to find out what.

~*~

“What happened?” Alan asked his son.

“Nothing.” Jason didn’t want to explain the emotions that had escaped him during his fit of rage. It was no use reliving the pain that he had caused her. Why wasn’t he able to just remember and move on with his life? He wanted to remember for her and to make her happy. No, he wanted to be happy with her.

“Something happened,” Alan reasoned, “Are you starting to feel angry?”

“Yes.” Of course he was angry! Angry that this had happened to him, and to the people in his life that he was supposed to know and love.

“You just need to learn to control it.”

Control? Jason had no control and he knew it. No control over his memories or his life. “Leave me alone,” Jason whispered forcefully, “I want to be alone.”

“Ok.” Alan got up, but his eyes rested on the opened purse on the floor, “Would you like me to take this back to her?”

“No!” Jason shouted, though he grew quieter, “When she wants to come back for it, she will.”

~*~

Carly opened the door quietly and slipped into the room that was darkened, though it was the middle of the afternoon. She figured that Jason must be sleeping, so she tried to stay as quiet as possible. Even though it was dark, she could make out the shape of Courtney’s purse which lay on one of the tables. Carly grabbed the purse’s short blue straps and stepped towards the door.

“Wait,” a male’s voice called out. Carly jumped at the sound of the words because she hadn’t expected Jason to be awake.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Tell her I’m sorry-sorry for everything.”

“Are you talking about Courtney?” Carly asked as she turned to face him.

“Yes,” Jason answered as he climbed out of his bed. He walked toward the wall and flipped the switch that turned on the lights. The brightness filled his eyes, causing them to squint a little.

“She seemed really upset when I saw her this afternoon,” Carly responded cautiously. She didn’t want to make it sound as though she was blaming him for Courtney’s mood.

“When you came to see me earlier today, I remembered something when Michael came into the room. I had this flashback of a time in the park with him and Courtney.”

“Oh,” Carly replied, her eyes growing wide and her voice growing with excitement, “Did you remember anything else?”

“No,” Jason said bitterly, “and I think that’s why she got upset. I didn’t mean to hurt her, I just wanted to tell her that I’d remembered.”

Carly smiled at Jason before speaking. “Don’t blame yourself for the way she is feeling. Nothing that happened was your fault, and you can’t do anything to control it. It’s just going to take some time for the pain that Courtney is feeling to go away.”

“I wish I could take away for her!” Jason said loudly.

“It’s good that you remembered.”

“Yea, I guess it is. I just wish that I could remember more.”

“Maybe you will,” Carly answered hopefully.

“Maybe.”

~*~ Major Time-Line Mover Upper! Sorry, but I’m anxious to get this story moving!!

Courtney returned to the loft from another day full of work and collapsed on the bed. She was feeling more tired than usual, but brushed it off as stress from all the thinking about Jason that she was doing. The more she thought about him, the worse she felt, and she was constantly reliving the memory of seeing Jason in the hospital 2 weeks ago. The feeling of hopelessness that had entered her stomach after leaving the hospital that dreadful day was starting to return, only this time it was much worse, and suddenly Courtney felt sick. She stood up quickly, but became violently dizzy and had trouble making it to the bathroom. Courtney had barely enough time to hold her hair back before she became ill. As Courtney sat on the floor over the toilet, she realized that she was feeling more miserable and hopeless than any other time before in her life.

“Damn it Courtney,” she thought, “Why did you ever let yourself feel so much for him?” Courtney pondered this question for several more minutes before she felt well enough to stand up. She dragged her feet to her bed and collapsed, still fully clothed. Deciding that it took too much energy to change into her pajamas, Courtney wrapped the covers around her and fell into a dreamless sleep.

~*~

“Hey, Jason!” Brenda said as she entered the familiar hospital room. She had been to visit her former husband several times in the past 2 weeks, and was starting to feel very comfortable around him.

“Yea?” Jason responded, glad to see that Brenda was stopping by again. He enjoyed her visits very much, mostly because it kept his mind off of other things... but also because he was starting to feel like she was a friend, someone that he could trust and talk with easily. She and Carly were the only ones, other than his parents and sister Emily, who came to see him regularly, and Jason appreciated that more than he knew that they could understand.

“How are things?” she asked as she always did.

“Doing better,” Jason answered honestly, “The doctors have gotten over their surprise of finding out that I had a flashback, but say not to be discouraged if I don’t have any more. They might be able to release me in a few days!”

“Well, I guess that’s exciting news!” Brenda exclaimed.

“Yea. So what has happened in your life? Talked to any old friends?” Jason questioned. Brenda had spent a long time explaining to him about Jax and Sonny the other day, and he was interested in knowing whether she was going to go back to either one of them as it seemed that she always did.

“I briefly spoke with Jax.” Jason gave Brenda a questioning look, but she brushed it off. “But I went out to lunch with somebody new yesterday,” Brenda continued, a playful smile on her face.

“Oh, really?” Jason asked with curiosity, “Who?”

“Ric Lansing. I ran into him one afternoon while I was on my way home from shopping.”

“Just like that?”

“Well, we knew each other before because he was my lawyer once, but that didn’t last long...” Brenda responded. She hadn’t told him about Alcazar’s murder trial before, and now didn’t seem the right time to do it.

Brenda talked with Jason about other things, hoping that she was helping to keep his mind off the one thing that she knew he was constantly haunted by. He had told her about the incident with Courtney once, but hadn’t mentioned it at all since. Brenda didn’t wish to press the issue, but she recognized that look in his eyes whenever she saw him. Like he was aching to see her, and set things right, but he wasn’t quite ready yet.

Brenda glanced down at her watch after a long discussion with Jason about why he didn’t want to leave his hospital room just yet. The time had passed so quickly!

“Listen, I’ve got to go,” she said, “but I really think that it would do you good to get out of this room. At least when you’re ready, okay?”

“Okay,” Jason replied as she got up to leave, “I’ll consider it.”

“Thanks,” she said.

“No, thanks for coming and visiting with me,” Jason responded, “it’s a nice change from the doctors.”

“Anytime.”

Jason watched as Brenda shut the door behind her, and sighed as she left. The truth of the matter was, Jason was afraid of the change that would come when he finally ventured out of the room. It would mean that he would have to step out of the comfortable environment that he had grown so accustomed to in the past two weeks. And it would mean that he would have to face those who lived in the world outside of his hospital room.