Strawberry Wine

Chapter Nine

© 2003

Six months. That’s how long it had been since Courtney

last saw Jason. It had been over a months since she’d

had any sort of correspondence from him too. She was

almost half way through her senior year of high

school. It was supposed to be one of the best years

ever for her, but she couldn’t be any more miserable.

She managed to keep a brave face in front of her

family and friends, but anytime she was alone she’d

let her tears fall. Courtney just couldn’t understand

what she had done wrong to make him distance himself

so much from her. She understood that he needed to be

with his family, but Courtney wanted to be there for

him too. Sonny and Carly weren’t any help either. They

hadn’t seen much of Jason since they returned to

college. Jason pretty much stayed at home with his

family whenever he wasn’t in class. Last she spoke to

Carly, Jason wasn’t seeing anyone else. That still

didn’t bring much comfort to her.

When Courtney got home from school, she rushed

upstairs to her computer to see if Jason had responded

to her email. She tapped her fingers impatiently on

the computer desk, waiting for her email account to

load.

“Welcome….” the computer voice chirped. “You’ve got

mail!” She held her breath as she clicked on her

mailbox. After quickly scanning her emails, she was

disappointed once more to see no emails from Jason.

She just couldn’t understand it. Suddenly there was a

knock on her door.

“Come in.”

Her mother stuck her head in the door with a smile,

“Hi honey. I just wanted to give you this letter that

came for you today.” Courtney took the letter her

mother held out for her, not sure who she’d be

receiving a letter from.

“Thanks Mom.” Once her mother was gone, she looked at

the return address. Her heart began to race wildly in

her chest when she was ‘J. Morgan’ written on the

envelope. Courtney’s fingers were trembling so much

she could barely get the letter open.

Courtney~

I hope this letter finds you doing well. I’m so sorry

it’s been so long since I’ve talked to you. Things

have been really hectic in my life. I’m trying to

finish college and make sure my sister has the best

care possible. I know you probably think it’s not my

responsibility, after all she’s only my sister right.

She’s not my wife, she’s not my daughter, but that

doesn’t matter to me. She’s my baby sister, my only

sister, and it’s my duty as her older brother to make

sure she’s protected and taken care of. I know Sonny

would feel the same way about you, so I hope you

understand. I know we never talked about this before,

but I am sorry for the hurt I caused you especially

the night I left. You wanted to be there for me, to

try to comfort me and I know I pushed you away.

Despite the hurt I had caused you, you still found a

way to tell me how you truly felt for me. You left

before I had a chance to respond, but even if you

stayed I honestly don’t know what I would have said.

To this day, I still don’t know. I care about you very

much, more than I’ve ever cared for anyone in my life.

That’s why it’s so difficult for me to write you this

letter. I think it would be better for you if you

would start seeing other people. I don’t want you to

wait for me, because I can’t make you any promises for

the future. Things in my life are crazy and I don’t

want you to spend your life waiting for someone who

may never be able to give you what you deserve. You

deserve so much Courtney, so much more than I can

offer you right now. Whoever wins your affections will

be the luckiest man on earth. I know I will look back

on our amazing summer together and remember just how

lucky I was to have you in my life even though it was

only for a short while. There will always be a place

for you in my heart that no one will ever be able to

touch. Please forgive me for not having the courage to

say this to you in person. I don’t know if I would

have been able to do this if I were actually standing

in front of you. With you in arms reach it would have

been too hard for me to say goodbye. I wish nothing

but the best for you Courtney.

Always,

Jason

Tears were streaming down Courtney’s cheeks as she

read his words. He cared about her, but he didn’t love

her. He wanted her to move on and forget about him.

Deep down in her heart, she knew that would be

impossible for her to forget about him. What she felt

for Jason was real, and the hurt she was experiencing

made her realize she never wanted to feel this kind of

pain again. Courtney would do as Jason wished. She

would move on and start to see other people, but she

would never let anyone in her heart again. She

couldn’t risk another broken heart.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jason stared out the window, watching snow flurries

as they fell against the windowpane. Emily stirred

from her nap; opening her eyes to see Jason standing

in the same place he was when she dozed off earlier

that afternoon.

“Jason, you’re going to turn into a statue if you

don’t move away from that window soon.”

Jason turned to her with a smile, “I was just

thinking.”

“You must have been thinking pretty hard. You were

standing in that very spot when I feel asleep

earlier.”

“I just have a lot on my mind with getting you better,

school, and stuff.”

“Well, you know my chemo is doing well. I may have

lost all my hair, but it’s going to be worth it when

the doctor tells me they find no more cancer,” she put

on a brave smile. “I know school is going pretty good

for you too. You’re on the Dean’s list and everything.

So tell me what kind of ‘stuff’ that’s bothering you.”

Jason sat in the chair beside her bed, but he still

didn’t answer her. He didn’t have too. Emily knew her

brother very well. “It’s Courtney isn’t it?”

He nodded slowly, “I sent the letter I was telling you

about.”

“Oh Jason. I know how difficult it was for you to

write that letter. I still don’t believe it was the

right thing for you to do. If what you told me about

her is true and she meant it when she told you she

loved you I know she’s probably devastated right now.”

She paused for a moment, “From what I see in your eyes

right now, you’re pretty devastated too.”

“I really care about her Emily.”

“Then why…”she began but Jason cut her off.

“That’s why I had to do it Em. I care too much for her

to just let her sit around and wait for me when I

can’t guarantee I’ll ever be able to give her what she

wants.”

“Someone to love her?” she asked quietly. Jason’s gaze

finally met hers. She saw so much pain in their blue

depths, but she also saw determination. “I know you

think what you’re doing is the right thing. I’ll

support you in whatever decision you make, and you

know that. I just want you to be happy.”

Jason put on a fake smile for Emily’s sake, “And I

just want to see you healthy again.”

“I’m working on it,” she laughed softly. They heard a

soft tap on her bedroom door, “Come in.” The object of

her affections peaked his head in to see if the coast

was clear. The moment his brown eyes locked with hers,

a smile graced his handsome face. Emily couldn’t stop

the huge grin that formed on her face. “Nikolas…”

“I’ve been looking forward to seeing that beautiful

smile all day long,” he said as he made his way to her

bedside. He turned to acknowledge Jason, extending his

hand, “How are you Jason?”

Jason smiled as he shook his hand. Nikolas was a good

man, and he knew he truly loved his sister, “I’m doing

pretty good.”

“That’s good to hear,” he turned his attention back to

her. “How’s your day been?”

Emily rolled her eyes, “Oh the usual. I woke up the

morning, threw up a little, slept, threw up a little

more, and slept.”

He chuckled lightly, “If it makes you feel any better,

you’re still the most beautiful woman on earth.” Emily

laughed, taking his hand in hers.

“You’re the sweetest man in the world, do you know

that? A bad liar, but a sweet man none the less.”

“And just what was I lying about?”

“I know very well that I’m not beautiful. I look

horrible. I’m so skinny and pale and I don’t have any

hair anymore,” she looked down, playing with a string

on the blanket lying over her small frame. Nikolas

gently caressed her face in his strong hands, forcing

her to look into his eyes.

“I want you to look into my eyes Emily. If you could

only see what I see when I look at you, you’d know I

meant every word I said. You are the most beautiful

woman in the world, both inside and out. I love you

Emily, with all my heart and soul.” Tears streamed

down Emily’s pale cheeks as she listened to Nikolas’

heartfelt words.

“I love you too,” she whispered as Nikolas kissed her

lips gently. Jason smiled over at them, but he felt an

ache deep inside his soul. He realized right then that

what he had felt for Courtney was real, and it was

love. He wished he could turn back the clock and

change everything that had happened in the last six

months without Courtney. As he watched the love

between his sister and her boyfriend, he realized that

was what he and Courtney could have had. That

unconditional love that was so rare to find. Jason

knew he had screwed things up terribly with Courtney,

and he had surely hurt her too much to ask for another

chance. Jason walked out of Emily’s room as quietly as

possible, knowing in his heart that he’d destroyed his

chance with the one true love of his life.